A LOT of crap thrown out there at once.

So the other day, I bolused too much because I forgot what I ordered.

Today, I went to In-N-Out (do not judge my food choices) and realized I had forgotten my insulin altogether. My whole kit. No meter, no insulin, nothing. I couldn't test OR bolus.

Fabulous.

I called my husband to see if he could steal some insulin from his diabetic co-worker. No dice. They guy didn't have any extra needles for his pen.

I realized I was right by my endo's office, so I ran in and begged for a sample of Novolog. They gave me one, no problem-o. Whew.

Then I went to my Primary Care for a "physical" because I hadn't seen him in a while, and they were threatening to drop me as a patient. I complained about this. They blamed the insurance companies. They said "Oh yeah, you're here because insurance sent you a letter, right?" I said "No, I'm here because you said I couldn't come anymore unless I scheduled this."

So when my PCP walked in, he said "Hi, Heidi, I heard we strong-armed you into showing up." I laughed. And waited for the next question. Oh, yes, here it is:

"How's the diabetes?"

I always want to answer this question with "Killing me slowly, thanks, but I'm doing everything I can to make it SUPER slow." But I chicken out, and say "I'm controlling it as best I can."

And then the phsycial consisted of basically scrolling through the computer looking over all my labs from the past year or so. I wanted to be off the cholesterol meds.

"But they're working. And you need to lower it a little more. Your LDL is still high for a diabetic. As soon as Lipitor goes generic, you should switch to that."

"They have long term side effects. The cholesterol is genetic. (We won't discuss the In-N-Out). I have a family history of high cholesterol but no heart attacks. High cholesterol is a fake problem. Statins prevent second or third heart attacks, not first ones."

"The medical data would suggest otherwise. Although, yes, they are better at preventing subsequent heart attacks."

"They create long term memory issues."

"The benefits outweigh the risks. Especially for you. You're diabetic."

And that's always where the discussion ends. At "you're diabetic." Automatically high-risk for pretty much everything under the sun. At least he didn't try to throw BP meds or aspirin at me "just in case."

And he gave me a copy of my last labs that didn't get sent to me. I told him I always ask for a copy but sometimes they send one and sometimes they don't. He told me if the doctor doesn't make any notes like "discuss with patient" or "needs to change x" or even "looks good" than the lab work doesn't even go to the MA for her to send out. And thus the mystery of sporadic labwork was solved. And my last CRP (0.4 vs.1.1) was awesome, which boosted his "pro-statin" stance.

Whatever. I do take the meds, I just whine about it.

I showed him my Dexcom, which fascinated him to no end. He had never seen one. And whenever a doctor besides my endo sees it, they always say the same thing, and so I waited....waited...yep. Here it is:

"That's one step closer to an artificial pancreas. They've almost done it!"

Yes, yes they have. Next week I'll go pick it up. (Maybe if Phineas and Ferb worked on one...)

In other medical news, I did mention that I've been hoarse for about 6 weeks now. He gave me a nasal spray, told me to try that, if that doesn't work, try heart burn meds, and if that doesn't work, then I'll need to see an ENT.

In the meantime, the fact that I get paid to do voicing work is a problem. Especially since the voicing I do is for medical reminder calls. (If you get an automated medical reminder call, it might be me. It probably isn't, but the possibility is there. Just remember that.) Who wants a message that says "Your appointment is at 3 p.m." from somebody who sounds like they're horribly contagious? Nobody, that's who.

Well, if you made it to the end of this post, good for you. Truly.

Today, I Was A Moron.

Today I went out to lunch at a place that serves yummy sandwiches and salads. I often order the same thing every time I go.

I ordered. I sat down. As I waited for my order, I bolused for the tasty sandwich with thick 12-grain bread coming my way.

About 5 minutes later the server shows up with my cobb salad. Which is what I had ordered. It's also something I would consider not bolusing for, or maybe doing a minimal bolus to cover the carrots and whatever they might put in the dressing. How hard is it to remember what you ordered? Apparently, that is a tricky situation.

Hmmm...okay then. Much insulin about to be coursing through the system. Lunch not offering the carbs to offset the insulin. Fortunately, they give you a cookie with every order, whether you want it or not. And so, I ate my cookie, stole my daughter's cookie, and half of my husband's.

They did not get dessert.

Because today, I was a moron.

High as a Kite. And Not in a Good Way.

So, last night I saw a blood sugar reading of over 300.

I haven't been that high since I was diagnosed, and I realized it was kind of a 'mental barrier' for me. I guess there was a deep inner dialogue that said "you may be close to 240, but at least you're nowhere near 300. Your pancreas won't ever let you get that high." Apparently, my pancreas will let me soar right up there with Cheech and Chong.

Speaking of the personification of organs, I always picture my pancreas as really really sad that it isn't working. I know others have it sipping pina coladas, or mocking everyone while it collects unemployment, but I always see it as trying really hard, and it keeps getting smacked down. Kind of like Charlie Brown with the football.

(Lucy is my immune system. Too bratty for her own good. Charlie Brown is my pancreas. A hard worker that just can't seem to get it right. Someday, he'll kick that football, which is full of islet cells. You just wait and see. Or, more likely, someone will kick it for him while he stands by and cheers as Lucy is thwarted.)

I have way too much time to think about this.

At least I know what caused the 317, which isn't always the case with highs. I was going low right before yoga class, and I seriously overtreated, thinking what with the exercise, and the tastiness of this particular carby treat, what with the bananas AND the brownies...yeah.

I also learned that 10 days might be too long for the Dex to handle. After yoga, it said 122, so I was congratulating myself on the dealing well with the massive dessert. Oh, but the meter read 252. OK, time to change the sensor. But since I had no idea if that was 252 and *rising*, or if I was coming *down* from an even higher number, I figured I would check again in a half hour before I corrected. And then, well, I forgot, what with the Tivo'd shows to watch, until Dex buzzed that it needed 2 start up bg's, which, of course, was 2 hours later. Whoops. My bad. Well, the bad belongs to Diabetes, but still, I seriously could have handled that better. It also showed me how dependent I've become on the Dex in such a short time.

Again, live and learn. And You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown Pancreas.

High? As it turns out, not really.

4:30 a.m. BUZZ!! I grab the Dex groggily. High. Over 200. Mmmmkay. Since I'm awake anyway, I stumble to the toilet, turn the light on in there, and give myself a shot to bring the sugars down.

As I climb back into bed, my husband asks me if I am low. I tell him no, it's high this time, and settle down. Then it occurs to me. 'This is a new sensor. I should double check that high with my meter.'

119. I just administered enough insulin to drop me 100 points and I'm at 119???? Well, that can't be good. In fact, it could be really, really bad.

So I do what I need to, I eat some carbs. (Doesn't everybody bolus at 4:30 in the morning for a little snack?) I recalibrate the Dex. I remind my husband where the glucagon is in my nightstand, just in case. I settle back in bed, but I know the rest of the night is pretty much shot when it comes to any actual sleeping. My husband tells me "I'm awake with you" and I love him for it.

My friends, it's moments like these that make the FDA balk at the artificial pancreas. My Dex is accurate most of the time. I would guess that it's close to 90%. I mean, there was the time when it said 276 and I was in the 120's, but I knew that one was screwy - it had ??? right before, and while I don't always 'feel high' (insert random drug reference here) I would have noticed a 276. And it's not always accurate on exactly HOW low I am, but it's definitely a warning that I didn't have before, and one that I love. Plus, the fact that I can remember these anomalies shows me how rare they are. If I was saying 'every day this sucker messes up constantly' things would be different.

I've only had it for a month. I reserve the right to change my tune. Your diabetes may vary, of course.

But if an artificial pancreas thought you were at 276 and started dosing enough insulin to drop you over 140 points when you aren't even at 140, the lawsuits are going to pile up like a lazy person's laundry. (Not that I would know anything about those piles.)

So, the question is, is it worth it? How accurate does it have to be before it becomes available? When do the benefits outweigh the risks? Everyone has to answer that for themselves. Again, I reserve the right to change my mind, but at the moment I say, YES it's worth it. Bring it on. Severe lows and highs are ALWAYS a risk for diabetics. We know it. We hate it, but we know it. And while my precious Dex messes with me sometimes, the thought of going back to random finger pricks to manage makes me want to vomit. Increasing our quality of life and our ability to manage is always a good thing. (Of course, if the artificial pancreas kills me, I might feel differently.)(But I would be dead, so I probably wouldn't care.) (My family would, though.)

Plus, I don't see the option of shots or pumps going away. I think the AP would just be another option for patients who want it. Some will be too scared to take it. Others will jump on it. Others will wait and see. Others might go back and forth. We're good that way.

So there you have it. I survived the Dex misreading something, and it got me thinking. I now know why they tell you to double check before you treat. I mean, I knew that before, and I typically do check, but it's very difficult to be responsible for my actions at 4:30 a.m. Live and learn.

Happy Diaversary To Me!

It's been 3 years. I'm still cheating death. Good for me.

I went into the doctor because I felt like total crap, and could not get a teaspoon of saliva to save my life. The thirst was unbelievable, my vision was wonky, and the weight was melting off. I was pretty sure what I was going to hear, but still....*maybe* it was something else....something Google didn't know about.

(Googling frequent thirst doesn't come up with a whole lot of options besides flashing neon DIABETES signs.)

It was a doctor I hadn't been to before, I was still fairly new to this area and I didn't like the one visit to an internist I'd been to. So I literally picked the closest one with my insurance and made an appointment. I weighed in, gave a urine sample, and waited.

The nurse walks into the doctor's office, and I hear the words "spilling sugar and ketones". That didn't mean a whole lot to me then, but the doctor's reaction was not good. There was sighing and I swear I heard grimacing. One CAN hear a facial expression from the next room, if one is careful enough.

And so, after the initial world tilting words of "You're diabetic, by the way. Type 1. No question." Then he began the litany of "leading cause of blindness, highest rate of kidney failure, and I'm sure you can live a long and healthy life."

He actually was a nice doctor, he just didn't deliver news well. He retired shortly thereafter, and I am very happy with my new medical team.

So the next day I was hospitalized, and as the insulin drip started, and the lab tests came back, and I met the endocrinologist, I was just so happy that I would start feeling better, and the first night there, I didn't have to get up to pee 8 times. I didn't have to get up to pee at all. It was awesome.

I had no idea how different my life would be. But I do remember staring at the TV at an ad for new mint M&M's, and I wondered if I would ever eat one. Tears may have been involved.

So last week as I thought about this anniversary, I thought, "I'm going to go get those M&M's, and I'm going to bolus for them, and love every minute."

Turns out, they don't make them anymore, they weren't a hit. I guess my prediction of "never eating one" was accurate after all.

It's OK. They make other M&M's.

ONE thing...Hmmm.

Ok, blog carnivals. This month the question is: What is one thing you are looking forward to in 2012? (Diabetes related).

I'm pretty sure: "a cure, duh!" is not what they're going for. But it would be nice.

One thing I am looking forward to? Staying out of the hospital. I managed it this past year, I can do it again. :)

“This post is my January entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2012/january-dsma-blog-carnival/“.

Because Everybody Else Is Talking About These 2 Things

I'm a little late to the party, I guess. But everybody seems to be talking about 2 things: MTV's True Life: I have diabetes, and Paula Deen.

I watched the episode online. It was hard to watch. It was hard to see someone dealing with diabetes and pregnancy, someone who in all likelihood was misdiagnosed as a Type 2, and then got lectured because she couldn't keep the sugars down with diet and pills, and eventually got told she was a Type 1. All at 19. Holy cow. Did they not run a GAD test? Just because you're over 18 does not mean you can't be a Type 1.

It was hard to see someone trying to be a normal college student. It was hard to watch him look at a 277 and say "not bad", even though it was infinitely better than the 405 he had. It was hard because if there is one thing I am truly grateful for, it's that I did not have this in college. Even though I am not a drinker, I think managing this and college at the same time would have been a nightmare of epic proportions.

I bet they had to search far and wide for someone who has a hard time with the expense of this disease. I mean, everybody else can handle it so easily. And to see her working 24 hours a day and with an A1c running at 8.9%, I could just feel how exhausted she was.

It was a good episode. It showed things how they are,the friends being curious and helpful,the exhaustion and the frustration, the doctor's visits and comments, to the disease being forefront and trying to dictate everything.

And switching gears completely: Paula Deen. People are railing on her that her food caused her diabetes. 'She's a poster child for how "not to eat."'

Sometimes I think diabetes, especially Type 2, is a lot like hair. Let me explain. There is such a thing as frizzy hair. There's a large genetic component to said hair. There are products and lifestyle changes that can help prevent it, but for many people, eventually the hair will frizz out. Once the hair is frizzy, there are ways that can calm it down, essentially making it look fine, and 'reducing the symptoms' of frizzy hair, but deep down, the hair wants to spazz out. And for some people, those products never really work all that well, and who knows what will cause a flare? Humidity is just one thing that will wreak havoc, after all.

Judgie folks will see these people, and blame them completely for the frizz. After all, don't they know it's ALL THEIR FAULT? They've never heard of conditioner???? They shouldn't have used that round brush when they were kids. Poor losers, bringing it on themselves, tsk. tsk. Look at that frizz. Often, the judgies saying stuff like this have no idea what it's like to look in the mirror day after day trying to tame the frizz. They very likely did the same things to their hair that the frizzy people did. They're lucky, and they pride themselves on their good luck.

Paula, your hair got frizzy. I don't blame you for the frizz. I hope you find a way to calm it down, whether that be a new product, or washing less often, or massaging your scalp, or very likely a combination of all of it. You go, you deal with your hair your own way. Hair is different for everyone, and don't let anyone tell you differently.