Seriously?

I am way too young and have had this disease way too short a time to be having neuropathy like this. Fingers, face, toes - burning, tingling, zinging weirdness.

Fasting this morning: 157. What the??? (For the record, I went to bed at 116)

I have worked out every day this week. If that's not helping, I am going to quit and stare out the window for the rest of my life. I mean, if bad sugars happen regardless of what I do, why should I do anything? Ah, fatalism.

Also, McDonald's tried to kill me by serving me regular Dr. Pepper instead of diet. I was mad, but boy that sip was tasty. If I ever get to choose my last meal, because, you know, I kill somebody, I am having lots and lots of sugar.

In Which I Use a LOT of CAPS

About a week ago, my sugars started going wack - a - doo. And by "wack - a - doo", I mean "high for no discernible reason." Middle of the night- 230? Wha? I thought maybe I was getting sick, but so far, no symptoms of sickness have manifest themselves.

So today at the endo I asked him if I should change insulin usage, and he said no, because I would go too low. He didn't run an a1c because I had one in January. Dude, I really think I need just a titch more, but apparently pre-meals in the 120's (and, um, 160s!!) don't bother him too much. I do like him a lot, but he is SO hypo-phobic, and I'm a little hyper-phobic. (post meals are too high!) He's seen too much, I think, and so he is very reluctant to up insulin levels. I think it might be the honeymoon ending, but that just makes me sad.

And then - let the experimenting begin! - he put me on a type 2 drug "onglyza" to see if that helps stimulate a c-peptide response. We shall see what we shall see.

He was FASCINATED by the fact that I went hypo on antibiotics. He had never heard of that before, although he said some RA patients respond to antibiotics for no reason that the medical community can think of - they just do, but he hadn't heard of any diabetics responding that way. He is pondering it, I guess.

In other news, my insurance company "forced" me to switch monitors, and I left my Freestyle (which I had grown to really like since they switched new test strips) to One Touch. I tried to test my blood when I got home. No dice. Error, error, error, error, ERROR!!!! The error message translated - the test strip didn't have enough blood. I thought it was possibly due to the fact that I couldn't feel the lancet poking me at all. So I called them, and they "walked me through testing my blood" because apparently I am a moron who doesn't know how to use a monitor, but in the end, they are sending me a new lancing device. The worst part is - they want me to CHANGE LANCETS EVERY TIME!!!!

Them: It cuts down on infection to use a sterile one every time.

Me (in my head) : It makes you more money for us to use one every time.

Me: (out loud): It's a pain in the butt, especially when you have to test 6-8 times a day. It's REALLY annoying.

Them: Well, you do what you want, but this is what we recommend.

Me (in my head): Well, duh, I will do what I want, but if they don't POKE ME, it doesn't really matter how many I go through, now does it?

Me (out loud): Are these cheaper or something, because these are not the same lancets that were sent to me when I got a free One Touch monitor a while back.

Them: We changed them so there is less discomfort.

Ah, less discomfort. What a noble goal. But seriously, poking yourself should hurt a little, I mean, we're trying to get BLOOD OUT, not get ERROR MESSAGES DUE TO LACK OF BLOOD. Of course, multiple error messages just means I have to use more test strips and lancets, which probably isn't their goal at all. I must have gone through 6 just trying to get one reading. That lew lancing device better be a LOT better. And since I haven't hit my deductible yet, that little blood sugar reading probably cost me roughly 10 dollars.

Seriously, my old monitor, I just changed the lancet when I felt it getting dull, every couple of days. I seriously filled the scrip twice or something absurdly small, because I got 100/box. *whine* I just want to keep using my old monitor - stupid insurance.

I think I have issues with change. POSSIBLY.

I also am forced to do mail order prescription if I want to stay on Novolog. Which isn't a big deal, but is a pain in the tuckus for everyone involved, except UHC, I guess.

Also, this week, I saw the gyn (Mon) and had a mammogram on Tuesday. It's been a medically intense week. Maybe I'll hit the chiro tomorrow just to round it out.

Don't Blame Me OR It's Been a Bad Day

Had a high reading before lunch today. Ticked me off for 2 reasons:

1. I had no symptoms of being high. There often aren't any, which is why I do NOT understand diabetics who don't test. "I can just feel it." Well, maybe they can. Everyone is different, after all. I can only sometimes "feel it", meaning I am either peeing every 2 minutes (OK, I must be high) or I am unbelievably exhausted.

Of course, fatigue can also mean I'm going low. It can also mean I'm just tired for a host of other non-diabetic reasons.

I hate tiredness. I never know what the "deeper meaning" is. It's like some obscure book in the Old Testament. Or Yoga.

2. I had no REASON for being high. I ate nothing different, did not change my activity level, nothing. I finally chalked it up to the cold I'm fighting and the fact that I'm pre-menstrual. (What? TMI? Welcome to blogging, people.)

SO. I had high blood sugar because viruses exist and I'm a female with a working reproductive system. THESE THINGS ARE NOT MY FAULT.

And yet, if I ever do have serious complications, I know there will be many health care workers (not all of them, but many) who will write it off as something I did or did not do. I know this because I've heard them. I've heard Dr. Oz say he hates operating on patients when he knows their heart attacks are self inflicted and could have been prevented with a better diet. It was a Type II diabetic. I stopped watching Dr. Oz.

When I first got diagnosed, my PCP sat and told me about people 10 years older than I am who sit in his office and complain and cry about how awful this disease, and how much pain they're in, when they "have noone to blame but themselves. " He said this. He was trying to motivate me to control my sugars. He is no longer my PCP.

My feet and legs have been burning lately. My A1C's have been fabulous. And yet, nerve damage. It's the disease, not me.

And so, today I whine. This disease sucks. Did I mention the PMS?

Thanksgiving and Diabetes

I am currently about an hour away from eating my first Thanksgiving meal as a diabetic. I have no idea what the carb count will be. Heaven help me. I am not kidding - divine intervention would be very welcome.

Let's face it. You can talk all you want about gratefulness, family time, etc., and that's all there. It IS. But when push comes to shove, Thanksgiving is about the food. And anything that's about food means it's about diabetes as well. It's always there, nudging you when you look at the stuffing and mashed potatoes, chastising you for even THINKING about that pie. Is it worth another shot hours later for it? Yes? No?

Frankly, diabetes is always an unwelcome visitor, and I'm tired of it. And oh yeah, I have decades of this ahead of me, if I'm lucky. So I guess I better get used to it. Gah, that's a depressing thought.

Ok, breathe. One day at a time. I can do this.

I may just have to resign myself to having a weird blood sugar day. But frankly, I can't stand weird blood sugar days, not only do they make me feel awful, but I know they are damaging to just about everything in my system.

I am snapping out of my self indulgent whining now (but...but...this disease sucks, and I want everyone to know it, all of the time....whine, whine,SMACK) and focusing on the fact that we've had fabulous friends here this week, and it really has been fun. I am thankful for that. Also, cheese has no carbs. Awesome.