Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Waiting Now

I just went up to Utah again for another mixed meal tolerance test. This test marks the one year anniversary of my first infusion. It measures C-peptide levels, and will tell me if I'm still making insulin.

So now we wait. Dun-dun- dun. It should only be a few days, and then I will have a new a1c to record, and some new valuable information.

Previously, after each one of these, my sugars have been completely normal after the test, which told me my pancreas handled the Boost drink pretty well. This time, 160's. So, not dangerously high, but not exactly normal either. It makes me think I'm still making some insulin, but not as much as I used to. We will see what we will see.

My fasting sugars haven't been fabulous lately, either. The doc told me to wait a few more days, and if they were still high, to up my Lantus back up to 10. (Sigh....) But I'm not complaining. 10 is still a very low dose, and the control is still very easy.

Upon coming in, the nurse said "Did you SEE Popular Science March 2010?" Um, no? I don't make it a habit to read Popular Science....she said there was an article written by one of the very first patients to ever get the drug - and after NINE YEARS, her body is still making insulin, although now it is starting to go down. NINE YEARS of honeymooning is pretty amazing. So -nine years from now (I guess 8, maybe, since I've had the first year) - they might have a really great artificial pancreas, or a stem cell based cure, or nothing, I don't know. Who can predict, really? But I choose to be hopeful.

Here is the article - really interesting stuff.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Cheating Nature

It is a very strange feeling to know that if nature had its way, I would be gone - and it would be over a year now. My kids and my husband would visit my grave, and at this point, my husband could possibly be considering remarriage.

But no. I cheated nature. I continue to cheat it every time I inject myself. And so I am still here, thankfully. It's still a strange thought, though. No intervention - no me. I mean, that should mean something, right? Or, maybe not. Maybe it's just the way things are.

And yet, I don't live my life a whole lot differently than before. I mean, yes, the diet and activity level have changed dramatically, and I carry a purse filled with insulin and candy everywhere I go, but I'm not, like, skydiving or traveling to exotic places or anything like that. I don't take advantage of every moment I have left. I waste a lot of time on facebook, actually. Is that wrong?

Do other people feel like this? People who have beaten cancer, or survived a heart attack, or generally cheated nature in any way. Do they go through an existential crisis? And does it change anything for them?

It reminds me of when my SIL had a baby, and they were worried that it might be too big for her to deliver, since her husband is so much taller than she is. She was told "nature always fits the mother." Later, after her C-section, she asked "what happened to 'nature always fits the mother?'" "Well, nature doesn't care if it kills off 10-20%. The species survives." OK then.

I guess the species would survive without me. But I'm glad I'm still here for a while yet. Hopefully a LONG while. Take THAT, nature. I cheat, and I'm winning. (For now.)