Tuesday, December 27, 2011

One More Thing

Get training on the Dexcom on Jan. 4. Hee hee.

I forgot to mention last time that my doctor has contnued to use me as a guinea pig. He put me on some heartburn medication to see if a ppi (proton pump inhibitor) response would help me. He says there is data that a ppi response can stimulate beta cells.

It took a week or so, but now I am having more lows than usual. He may be right. It's kind of exciting. I definitely need to lower my bolus rate a tad. So we'll see about that. In the meantime, "my precious" (dexcom) will help notify me of those lows.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Fun times at the endo. Plus CAPS. LOTS OF CAPS.

So, I went to the endocrinologist last week. He still loves me, thinks my attitude of "I want more beta cells and I don't care what I have to do to get them" is great. My a1c is still 6.3.

It's a nice rhyming number. (A1C! 6.3! There's a cheer in there somewhere.)

My LDL is also down to the 150's, so that's better, but we're still treating it. HDL still high, so that's good.

He also did some kind of sensitivity test, and my cardiac risk is low. I'm not sure what the test is called, because they DIDN'T SEND ME A COPY OF MY RESULTS, even though I ask every time.

I swear that nurse/tech/whatever her title is doesn't like me. I also left without a follow up appointment. It was weird.

"OK, I think I need to make an appointment for 3 or 6 months out."
"He didn't say. When you get your lab work then he'll tell you."
"It's never worked like that before. Can I just make an appointment now?"

OK, I'll leave now.

So, the real question I had for my doc was regarding my Dexcom. CGM. The Golden Ticket. WHY didn't I get one last time? Denied? What can I do now?

"Huh, I never heard back. Let me check on that."

Then he said he could trial me for a week, but they one they have cost him $800 out of his own pocket, and it wasn't charged, and I would have to BRING IT BACK because it cost him so much money, and I would have to be careful, and the nurse that usually educates on it isn't here, and it was pretty clear he didn't want to hand it over.

And...as it turns out, they never sent the request. That could be why I didn't get one. If my insurance or the Dexcom people don't know I want one, they don't magically send one out randomly. Funny how that works. So this time I stayed there until the request was faxed.

Then I went to lunch with my husband, after being scolded for wanting follow up care.

At lunch the Dexcom people called me. YES. They aren't in-network, but they know people who are, they will be calling me in the next couple of days.

Yada yada yada.....a bunch of phone calls and nagging of my doctor's office later.....IT'S HERE. TODAY. I AM JUMPING UP AND DOWN.

Did I mention that my deductible is met and it didn't cost me anything? 2 weeks later, that would have been quite the different story.

Did I also mention I don't have a clue as to what I'm doing? I guess I will be calling tomorrow to go meet with the nurse to have her show me what to do. While there, I'm going to schedule a follow up appt. You know, if they let me.

"Cause I've got a Golden Ticket...."

Saturday, December 3, 2011

How Was Your Thanksgiving?

Diabetes can make Thanksgiving challenging. Which is surprising, you know, because it makes everything else SO EASY.

Anyway, this year we went over to a friend's house, which was lovely, because then I didn't have to clean. I still had to cook some stuffing, but that's OK, because it's one thing I can cook, and it's divine. Really.

Well, I bolused and ate the main meal. (and by "bolused" I mean "guessed completely" because I wasn't about to ask people exactly how much sugar they put in their yams and apples. Turns out: a lot).

An hour later they brought out the pie. Often I skip the desserts completely, because the GUESSING! Oh, the GUESSING, which leads to the SWINGING, which leads to the MIGRAINES, and leads to ALL CAPS, and my husband has to put up with my WHINING. But this is Thanksgiving and pie is required. The end. Well, I checked my sugars and saw slightly over 200. Oy. I guess the mealtime bolus was what we call "not great."

A GOOD diabetic would have waited until her sugars came down, or politely declined. A BAD diabetic would have just bolused more and attacked the pumpkin chiffon pie.

And as I ate piles of sugar with a starting bg of 204, I thought "May God have mercy on my kidneys." And He did. Because an hour later, I was 103, and the sugars stayed stable the rest of the day. But for the record, I have never taken more insulin in one day than I did this year on turkey day for one meal.

Pie. It's what helps. Who knew? How was your day?

Thursday, November 3, 2011


It is National Diabetes Month.

It is also the month of Thanksgiving, thereby making it National Gratitude Month.

So --- I should be grateful for my diabetes.

Um. not quite there yet. If it saves me in a war, then we will talk. If it gets me a job that in turn pays for the insanely expensive medicine and equipment, I'm good. If I get paid lots of money for telling people how awesome it is, well, then, gratitude will pour forth. At the moment, I'm not quite there yet.

(Seriously, it did save this guy in a war. He was in Vietnam, and he went into DKA, and when the VietCong came upon his unit, they thought he was dead and didn't kill him. That's how he was diagnosed. I'm not even kidding about that - he spoke at a diabetic conference about it.)

But apparently, we are all supposed to wear blue every Friday in November to promote National Diabetes Month. I'm cool with that.

Somebody needs to explain this to me.

HOW is wearing blue going to raise money/awareness for anything? I mean, it's not like I answer the door to the UPS guy, and he's all "Wow, what's with the blue shirt, and I'm all "It's for diabetes" and he's all "I'm going to donate RIGHT NOW." I don't foresee conversations like that happening. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Because that could TOTALLY happen. Maybe if I was wearing a pin or something?

It's not like blue is that rare a color. But then, if you picked a rare color, nobody would wear it (everybody wear chartreuse to celebrate!). Also, I think it's the color for autism awareness. But I like blue, so I'll wear it on Fridays, and it'll be for a PURPOSE.

It's also National Epilepsy Month. For that one, we are supposed to wear purple. I guess we'll all just look like a giant bruise this month. Groovy.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What do you mean I can't quit? That's just RUDE.

Ah, the lows. The waking up at 33. The going from 123 to 38 in half an hour, with no visible reason. (Brushing my teeth couldn't have dropped my sugars THAT much, right?) The 220 in the middle of the night, only to be corrected and then drop back to 38.

These things: They are not fun. (Hello, captain obvious.)

Dear Diabetes: I quit.

Dear Heidi: I don't mean to be rude, but Nope. You can't. Carry on. I'll be here.

Everything else I can quit! I've quit a couple of jobs in my life, and if I wanted to, I could quit my marriage, my kids, my church, my hair stylist - I could drop my dog off at the humane society, I could put my house up for sale, or I could walk away from it and ignore the mortgage, I can quit pretty much anything I want to, and the consequences would range from minor to truly life-altering. (I mean, if I quit my hairstylist, I would look baaaaad.) But none of them would be fatal. I don't want to quit any of those things, and I won't, but I love that the OPTION is there. I CHOOSE to stay in my house, my marriage, my religion, and keep that stupid dog, and I like that I know that's why I'm doing it. I like options.

Diabetes gives me very few options. Oh sure, there are some. Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi, for one. (And why anyone even MAKES Diet Pepsi, I have yet to understand.) Pumps vs. pens vs. needles. Humalog vs. Novolog. Sooooo many ways to treat. But in reality, these are fake options. The only real option is to PAY ATTENTION or DIE. Yippee-kie-ay.

No quitting. Ever. Not even if you whine.

So anyway, I forced my way into my endo's office to show off my highs and lows, and he switched me from Lantus to Levemir, and lowered the dose a tad. He ordered me a Dexcom, which he says is the "greatest thing for a diabetic since insulin." I WANT IT. I WANT IT A LOT. I know I would obsess over it constantly, but I've noticed that obsessing is encouraged with this disease. It also makes you crazy, but hey, sanity is overrated.

I may end up in the loony bin, but my a1c will be awesome.

We are waiting to see what the insurance says, since, you know, I've never passed out or spent quality time in the ER from my lows or anything, so I might not be the best candidate. You don't get the really GOOD diabetes treatment options until your disease is out of control. Good control is punished, and yet, it's clearly the best option.

I will stop saying options. It's sounding weird to me now. You know how words do that when you say them a lot? Options.....ooooooptiiionnns.....

For some reason, 38 is the number I've been seeing so much. Maybe the universe is using diabetes to send me a message and give me the lottery numbers or something. After all, if you can't explain the numbers, it must be a message from the cosmos, right? Every time I get a reading I don't get, (205? But I thought I was going LOW!) I'm going to take it as a numerology message. Ok, no. No, I'm not.

Also, I've been known to mildly swear at waitresses when they "Is Diet Pepsi OK?" Hell No, No it's not. Sorry about that yesterday, lady. It was a bad day.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Let's Just Hope the Insulin's Still Good, Yes? Also, Warthogs.

So, I went low last week. The only thing I could think of is maybe it was due to a "training run" I did for a 5K that my daughter is doing, and I'm supposed to do it with her. I'm still not 100% sure I will participate in it - running completely baffles me. If there is anything more dull than putting one foot in front of the other for long periods of time, I don't know what it is. Possibly studying the brain chemistry of warthogs. That seems like it would be fairly boring.

OK, so last night I had another "training run" and let me tell you, training with super nice people who are still 1000 times better than you at running is not fun. It's kind of humiliating, but hey, what's life without a little humiliation? (Answer: fun.) (Note: I know these people are not thinking less of me. They know I'm a beginner. It's still mortifying.) I was super freaked out about going low, though, so I cut my bolus in half before eating a small dinner, and then ate a larger meal afterwards.

Of course, it was then that I nothiced the needles I stuck in my kit were gone, so it's highly possible that a few unused insulin needles fell out of my kit on the run, and now the people in that neighborhood are going to think heroin addicts are abundant in their streets, and leaving their crap everywhere. Sorry, peeps.

Finger prick at 2 a.m. : 256. Well, if the mission was "not going low" then I get a gold star. Platinum. I should probably be more specific in my mission statements.

In other news: Today begins the use of some insulin that showed up mail order and sat on my porch for a day and a half in the scorching sun while I was gone for the weekend. I love insurance companies and the hoops they make you jump through to get your meds paid for. They're so awesome and willing to work with you too. (What do you mean you don't want Humalog? Don't you know it's CHEAPER!?)

So we shall see if the boluses work, (bolusi? bolus's? How do you pluralize this word?) or if I have to pay out of pocket for insulin so I don't, you know, die. Did I mention it was 3 month's supply of both Lantus and Novolog? (I still have an effective bottle of Lantus. I don't know why I have more Lantus. I probably dropped a Novolog or something).

The thought of paying out of pocket for 6 bottles of insulin that are all over 100 bucks each, when I already met my $4000 deductible makes me want to jump for joy over how much I must be helping the economy. Think of the jobs I'm saving!!!!

Yes, I'm grateful I have insurance. Can you get them to pay if the mail order destroyed your stuff? Because I can't seem to.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Day So Far

I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell phone. I grabbed it, talked to my parents briefly, and then decided it was time to get up anyway, since it was only about 15 minutes before I usually get up. Then my sister called, we chatted, and I dosed my Lantus at my usual time. (I split my dose between morning and night. I know it's unusual, but it works for me. Usually.)

What? You don't care that my sister called? That's superfluous information? Yeah, you're right. Too bad.

I went onto the computer, and hit facebook. I admit I spend way too much time there. As I was trying to read a status update complaining about the new interface, I noticed I was having a hard time seeing it. It wasn't going blurry exactly, I just couldn't seem to focus on it for some reason, and the world started heading into a tunnel. I decided to check my sugars.

Yep. 33. I went "whoah, that's low" and grabbed 2 Starbursts, which I keep in my testing kit with my meter. I actually tapped an update onto fb about it, thinking I should let somebody know. Then I lay down, and stared at the ceiling as the sweat drenched me. I hate the sweat.

As my heart attempted to leap out of my chest, I thought "I am going to pass out, and I don't care." And then the next thought slooooooowly formed. "I am going to pass out. I should prevent that. I had candy. Need juice." And so I forced myself up and to the kitchen and poured myself whatever that combo was - orange/mango/pineapple/strawberry/every- fruit-ever-picked juice. And then I grabbed some Crunch Berries - just a handful.

And then I realized again - I LOVE Crunch Berries. It's a very tasty cereal.

And then I checked again, kind of thinking - I might be able to justify a whole bowl of Cap'n Crunch's chemicals. 89. And while it ruled out the ceral, I love that number. It is my new best friend. 5 minutes later it was 110. Then I ate breakfast. Who knows what bolus I should have used, I'm still not completely sure how high the rebound is going to go.

I haven't showered yet, but I'm thinking about it.

Good morning to me. Hey - it can only get better from here, right? RIGHT?

Friday, September 16, 2011

30 things about invisibility, er, illness.

It is "National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week." And that, my friends, is a mouthful. Holy crap - try saying that 10 times fast.

OK, then. What is a "visible" illness, exactly? I'm trying to think of one - down syndrome is visible, but it's not an "illness" or a "disease", it's an extra chromosome. I thought of my niece with a spinal cord injury, but that's an injury - she's not sick. I saw a show on Discovery about this woman with a giant tumor that weighed over 100 pounds - it was bigger than she was. Nasty. OK, let's celebrate that I don't have that! Or leprosy! Or ebola! Because those would suck. Hmmmm....maybe ALS? That's pretty visible, I guess.

Yes, I get very caught up in semantics.

If you have a visible illness that I didn't think of, and are now mad at me, I'm sorry.

OK, so it's a meme! Which is a strange word that I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce. But that's what it's called, so here goes.

"30 Things About My Chronic Illness" meme:
1. The illness I am living with is: Type 1 Diabetes.

2. I was diagnosed in the year: 2009

3. But I had symptoms since: late 2008.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: Hard question. Pretty much everything, and yet, not everything. Boy howdy, do I make sense. Food, exercise, and activities have had to change, but the basic who I am hasn't. Yes?

5. Most people assume: It's exactly the same as Type 2.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Eating breakfast. I never did do it before, and now I am forced to fairly soon after I wake up. It's not really "hard", but it's a nuisance.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Current one - House, the show about a brilliant doctor who misdiagnosis his patients 3 times before getting the right diagnosis, almost killing them in the process. Former one - Scrubs. Hilarious. Those are really the only 2 medical shows I've watched.

8. A gadget I couldn't live without: My testing kit. It is with me, always. Like God, only in small, gadgetry form.

9. The hardest part about nights are: wondering what my sugars will do that night, and hoping that my body wakes me up if I go hypo.

10. Each day I take: 5 shots, 1 pill, and 2 vitamins. Minimum, assuming the sugars don't need correction.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: If you find one that works for you, great. But sometimes they are really dangerous, and I get angry at the scams. But I love massage, relaxation techniques, and my chiropractor. Just don't ask me to drink saltwater and tell me it'll cure me.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose Well, since the only visible illnesses I can think of are horrific ones, let's go invisible.

13. Regarding working and career: I've been home with my kids for a long time. I want to re-enter the work force now, but apparently job-searching at 36 and job searching at 21 are two very different things. Diabetes won't stop me from working, though.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I'm a one-eyed, one-eared, giant purple people eater.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I have to think about this ALL THE STINKING TIME. It regulates what and when I eat, as well as what and when I exercise, and I have to plan everything around it.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness but I did was: I don't know. Eat birthday cake?

17. The commercials about my illness: make me hate Wilfred Brimley. Also they are always on during the day and are geared to the elderly so they make me feel old.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I miss the general freedom of being able to pop things into my mouth without thinking about the carb content, or eating whenever I want to without worrying about insulin stacking, or hypos, or highs, or my exercise schedule, or the myriad of other things. Freedom, I miss you.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Dr. Pepper.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Yoga. I love it, it's an exercise that doesn't mess with my sugars, and I never thought I could get this strong or flexible, even though I still have a lot of room for improvement.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again, I would: Sleep in, have a Dr. Pepper for breakfast, swim without worrying that I'll pass out in the pool, and then eat some more sugary crap. Hey, I just have one day, right?

22. My illness has taught me:Everything in the body is connected. I know, obvious, right? But it's really brought home how every little thing you do affects the entire body. You can't just treat the foot without having it affect the brain, and vice versa. It's ALL connected, and always will be. Treat the person first. Also, moderation is crucial, as too much insulin or sugar will do horrible things to you, and this has become a metaphor for me for other aspects of my life. Live within reasonable boundaries, but not horribly constricting ones. Also, cocoa roast almonds are awesome. Atkins makes some peanut butter cups that taste just like Reese's, and some coconut bars that taste just like Mounds. I never would have known about them, and they make me so happy.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: My aunt so-and-so had that. She died a horrible death. Gee, thanks.

24. But I love it when people: Listen, and get a little educated, and try to understand.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote, that gets me through tough times is: Be still and know that I am God. I love this song from Scrubs. Also, the poo one.
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: You are not alone. You can do this. And I would tell them about those Atkins bars, and carb smart ice cream mixed with diet root beer. Delish.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How much blood sugar affects my mood.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: Babysit my kids.

29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness week because: It's a good thing.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Glad you stopped by.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Thursday, August 18, 2011

At the Eye Doctor

No retinopathy. Excellent.

No new technology. Dilation still stings, and it still sucks, and it still is unsafe to drvie afterward, and I still do anyway.

I did request a prescription for Latisse. I want sexy eyelashes, baby. I got one, (a prescription, not a sexy eyelash) and was told to call around to various pharmacies and see which one would be cheapest, since insurance doesn't cover this particular drug. (Answer: Target).

"Any other questions for me?"

"Nope. Just about my vanity and long eyelashes."

Then her voice got all comforting and soothing-like, "oh honey, you're not being vain."

Um, hello? I don't know if we have separate definitions of vanity, but I'm pretty sure wanting Latisse falls squarely under that umbrella. I'm OK with my vanity. I probably think this song is about me, too.

I use mascara. Other than cost, I don't really see the difference. "LOOK AT MY EYELASHES" is pretty much the message.

Then the technician pulled me aside and showed me her gorgeous eyelashes (and they were gorgeous) and told me to be careful with my mascara once I got the Latisse because excessive mascara use can break the newly long, lush lashes. I asked her which pharmacy she used, and she admitted that she gets her Latisse from Mexico. Hmmm....maybe I should take a drive....but Mexican pharmacies scare me, in a total I've-never-been-to-one kind of way.

And now, if you will excuse me, I will now go about the rest of my day, with "You're so vain" stuck in my head. My poor children.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Fictional PWD

I read a book recently. It wasn't a good book, per se, (it happens when you pick up random stuff at the library) and I was about to put it down when it was revealed that one of the main characters was a T1 diabetic.

I was immediately riveted.

It was more accurate than other fictional diabetes stories, I mean, the terminology was there - she used Humalog and Lantus - but it seemed she was on a "four hour" system, and she shot up every 4 hours with Humalog. I don't work that way. I mean, I probably eat close to every 4 hours when I can, so maybe that's how she did it, but it seemed different. I think in terms of "meals" and "exercise", not specifically "time" although that certainly enters into things. (How long until I eat again? Can I go here without a snack first, yada yada) But a strict four hour shot schedule? Has anyone else ever heard of something like this?

(Every time she checked, she was over 200, so I don't know how well it was working for her, but you know, fiction and all. And at least the author knew what was high and what wasn't.)

She told NOBODY she was diabetic, it was like she was ashamed of it or something, even though she said she considered it like having blue eyes, brown hair, and a non-working pancreas. (Her fiancee knew, but they never talked about it.)

She almost went into DKA on her wedding day, and was concerned about ketones in her urine, and her bg reading of 400, and what it was doing to her unborn child, all of which is very accurate. And her description of feeling fuzzy, needing some water and to lie down, certainly describes feeling high.

Her mantra was: Control it, or it controls you. And boy, do I get that.

It just made me wonder how the author did her research, did she read about it, talk to people with it? I mean, it was a pretty good description of diabetes (except what's with the fierce secrecy? You can tell people without being a victim).

Fictional diabetics always fascinate me now. And when the writers are completely WRONG, it drives me nutso. How many people did that inaccurate info have to go through to get to the page/tv/movie? After all, this is where a lot of people get their picture of diabetics.

Maybe all the REAL PWD should get together and produce a TV show or two, write some books, and end up with a major hit blockbuster movie. Possibly with vampires. That would be sweet.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Once Upon A Time On Vacation...

"So - if you're a twig, how come you have diabetes?"

Ah, the old 'it's a fat person's disease' come to town. I was happy to explain that he was thinking of Type 2, that there are many other reasons people get Type 2 besides weight issues, and that my disease (Type 1) is an auto-immune one.

"What does auto-immune mean?" Ok then, it means your immune system goes into overdrive and starts attacking things that aren't foreign.

"So, it's like AIDS then?"

Well, that's a new one. No, no it's not like AIDS at all.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Nope. Nothing quite like it.

Nothing like a low blood sugar in the shower to make you think "Boy am I glad I exercised!" There's also nothing quite like it to make you rethink the necessity of leg-shaving and hair-conditioning, and get you to run through the house naked to get to the kitchen for those graham crackers spread with dark chocolate that you bought in a moment of weakness at Costco. Oh, and some milk.

I really love dark chocolate. It goes well with Diet Dr. Pepper.

Went to the dentist yesterday. I decided to pretend I was just a mannequin in a training exercise - "are you OK? Somebody call 911 - are you OK?" since that's basically how I was treated, with that stupid air thing left in my mouth as the hygienists chatted with another. But hey, my teeth are still doing fine. That office can't decide if they do x-rays every 6 months or once a year. They change their minds every time I go in. (No you don't need summer x-rays, OF COURSE you need summer x-rays.) Oh, the places we go because our insurance covers them. I don't feel like they're incompetent, I think it's more of a "right hand doesn't talk to the left hand" kind of thing, and I don't love it there, but hey, who loves the dentist? And seriously, can't beat a five dollar co-pay for these visits.

And on that note, I do believe I will go and finish re-reading Harry Potter 7, and maybe I will bolus for some of that dark chocolate-y graham goodness. Yes, I believe I will.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Ok the results are in and published for the Protege study, the one in which I participated. Conclusions? "Further study is warranted." Okee-dokee then. Good to know.

Link to MacroGenics press release:


Link to the article through the MacroGenics website:


My guess is that I was placed in N=106, which was a 6 day full dose - even though I went up for 2 full 2 week sessions. The first dose gave me a terrible rash (want to see?) and made my hair curly - I loved it! - and lowered my dosage considerably. The second dose just made me insane, which, let's face it, could be a strong placebo effect. Although, I did get somewhat of a rash then, too, but not nearly as bad.

Here's the first rash - after a few days of healing. Yeah, it hurt.

I can't wait to find out what I got. I wonder how long before I know.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Swinging from 55 to 255 - all in a day's work.

Apparently diabetes doesn't want me to travel. It made that abundantly clear.

To which I say: Screw You.

Friday, June 10, 2011

In Which I Reveal Confidential Medical Information

So, went to the endo yesterday. Reminded him that I was his favorite patient. He laughed and admitted that I was "one of his favorites". I bet he says that to eveyone who insists on favoritism.

Demanded stem cells. No dice.

Asked about a pump and a CGM. He said he was a fan of pumps for some people, but my control is good on the MDI's, so unless I REALLY REALLY wanted it....he didn't see a reason, and you know what? Shots are fine with me. They really are. The CGM, however, I do REALLY, REALLY want.

He said if I had more days where I woke up super low (like I did right after Easter) then he would definitely fight for me to get one. He also said he would only do Dexcom, not Medtronic. I told him that was great with me. So...do I give myself more insulin to have scary scary daytime lows and get a CGM? NO. Even the thought scares me, and I would never put myself at risk that way. But do you see what the insurance companies have reduced me to????

Speaking of insurance, I found out today that my deductible went up by $1000 (from 3k to 4k) on June 1st with no warning whatsoever. The fact that my daughter's ER visit in April would have COVERED that doesn't seem to phase them. I. AM. BITTER. I'm still going to call and whine at them on Monday, even though I will probably get lost in voicemail hell. (*please say your ID number* *sorry, I didn't quite catch that*)

OK, lab stuff - A1c - 6.3. I'm OK with that, although frankly, I like it to hover at 6 or below. My doctor was thrilled. My husband told me that if I didn't like it, then I had "something to work on for next time." I wanted to punch him in the face. But I didn't. Because he was on the phone. Also I love him dearly.

LDL - still really really bad, and at 196. HDL is up to 57, so that's good. Doc and I had the following conversation:

So, I'm going to put you on blah-blah-statin.

This in instead of the simvastatin?

You're already ON cholesterol meds? And these are your numbers?

Um, yeah. But I forget to take them half the time. That could be the problem. (GREAT with shots, terrible with pills.)

OK, I'm going to up the dose, and even if you miss a few, you should still see some benefit. I'll call it into Walgreens. Put your pills by your toothbrush or something.

All right.

I hate high cholesterol. I kind of think it's a fake problem, because bringing down cholesterol isn't necessarily reducing the number of heart attacks. (Also, my father in law just had a triple bypass and his cholesterol was perfect. My dad's had high cholesterol all his life but at 77, nary a twinge of chest pain.) But I digress, and I will take my pills like a good little girl. I was kind of hoping to go off them, though - I don't like the long term side effects reported. Guess THAT didn't happen.

And it was at that trip to Walgreens, where I decided to pick up my refill of test strips along with my new horse pills, that I was asked to pay over $200 for said strips since the deductible wasn't met yet. I asked them to hold them for me while I railed on my insurance company for a few days. They're cool with that. I'm still going to have to pay it, though - I can feel it in my bones.

Thyroid, CMP, everything else was "fine." Still waiting for the lab results in the mail so I can obsess over them and see what "fine" means. Hopefully I'll get them, I did ask the tech 3 times to send them, but that didn't work last time.

Ok, then - off to check my sugars, then swear at my monitor, wash my hands, and check my sugars again. Last night I shaved 50 points off doing that. How did so much "sugar" get onto my hands? I don't know - it's a mystery.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Linky Goodness

Some thoughts to process -

HUGE fan of #7 on this article.

Also, I found this article very happy making and hope inducing.

Happy reading!

Friday, May 27, 2011


I am tired of finding Starbursts in my pockets after they go through the wash, and I wish I had someone to blame besides myself.

That is all.

Monday, May 16, 2011

So I Didn't Quite Make It, But Hey.

Well, so I didn't exactly post every day for diabetic blogging week. And I TOTALLY meant to, I swear. The other posts were going to be more interesting, too. Honest. But my life got very crazy, we brought down a 16 year old girl to live with us for about a month, and even though she's a friend of mine and I've known her pretty much her whole life, adding a teenager to your house takes some extra work. Plus I have to like clean and stuff so she doesn't think I'm a slob. Plus it's the end of the school year, and the number of events in May is insanely high. Plus my husband needs the computer at night.

There - did I give enough excuses to assuage my guilt? Probably. I didn't feel all that guilty.

On the plus side, the sugars have been fairly good - one reading over 200, (stupid hasbrowns that I forgot about when bolusing) but the rest have been really very very normal, so I guess adding a teenage girl to your life regulates blood sugars - who knew?

I'm also adding that I have Zumba for my Wii and it's very fun, but the public will never know my awesomeness at it. And by "public" I mean "anyone at all".

Oh, and gas prices suck. Which is diabetes related, somehow.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Admiring Differences - Yeah, I Got Nothing. But I'm Still Posting.

So I'm supposed to blog about "admiring differences" in the diabetic world. And since I always do what I'm supposed to do, here goes:

*crickets* *staring at fingernails and wondering if I should paint them* *thinking about Diet Coke*

The thing is, I don't KNOW a whole lot of people with diabetes. A couple of them simply won't talk about the disease at all. Denial is so pretty! Pretty pretty denial! Yay!

And even though I started this a while ago, I have just started to find the D-Blogging world in an effort to somehow connect with people with the disease that changed my life dramatically. But let me say this - people that like to talk about diabetes are my friends. Even if we have nothing else in common and you like to torture puppies, if you want to share diabetic experiences with me, be it type whatever, or caring for a diabetic, or anything at all related, I will listen and talk with you. And I will love it. So here's hoping I can find more blogs that help. Here's hoping something I write helps someone else, even though most of it is boring numbers and whining.

Friday, April 29, 2011

200 is the new 100.

Nothing like seeing numbers over 200 every day for the past 4 days to make me feel like a perfect patient.

2 of those were in response to crazy lows - I know I should eat 15 grams of carbs, wait 15 minutes, yada yada. And I do that when I'm in the 60s. (mostly) But at 39, and home alone, I am eating until I feel better. Screw the high.

And then 2 of those were before I went to bed. I guess pepperidge farm cookie carbs require more insulin than the package dictates. (4 cookies is 22 grams - WHATEVER). Also, I was feeling pretty good from the knowledge that I was honeymooning.

Conversation with self: Hey, still honeymooning doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want. Your c-peptide levels are lower, and honeymooning diabetics still need to manage, you know. Self (replying): Duh. I knew that. Don't know what YOU were thinking.

Last night - no cookies, but apparently panda express sneaks more sugar than I thought. 210 before bed. Eh, wait a while, see what happens. Oh, hello an hour later, let's see what sitting here reading and not moving at all has done to my sugars. 245. Crap.

Conversation with self: DUDE. CHECK nutritional info on-line when you can. You would have dosed more, and avoided this. Self (replying): I KNOW that. I don't know what YOU were thinking - you seem to be losing brain cells at a rapid pace lately.

And so it goes.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

As Promised ....NUMBERS! YEAY!!

A1c - 6. Awesome. I was really surprised at this. I thought for sure it would be at least 6.5. So I was thrilled.

C-peptide levels -- started out low again, and then at the 30 minute mark it kicked in and by the 180 minute mark it went up to 2.1, which is in the normal range. NORMAL. (6 months ago it was highter, but hey). It's consistent with what it's been doing up till now, starting out low and then my pancreas wakes up and starts squirting out the good stuff. If only we could get it to squirt out the good stuff EARLIER and CONSISTENTLY.

So my original thought that I wasn't honeymooning anymore couldn't be more wrong, and I am thrilled about that. They told me that obviously the onglyza wasn't doing anything for my c-peptide levels, and I could go off it, at which point I told them I had taken myself off it anyway, and gone back to 10 units of Lantus, since it really did seem to be messing with me.

And then, yesterday my fasting sugar was 43. Bad News Bears. Fortunately I had some toffee, plus some other Easter candy leftover. I had too much, and swung up into the 200s, but still, it was tasty. I thought it was just an anomaly, and then today I started getting really dizzy shortly after I woke up only to find myself at 39. I truly thought I would pass out - and who knows if I would wake up? It's scary to be very low and all alone. (Yes, I wake up after my kids go to school. I'm VERY lazy. Did you not know this about me?)

At least I still have hypo awareness. That's good. And lows like that might make getting approved for a CGM much easier. Still, I hate them. I think I might lower my Lantus again, which would be kind of awesome actually. We'll see what the doctor says.

So there you have it! Fairly good a1c, and still honeymooning! What was I whining about again?

Monday, April 25, 2011

I've Got a Theory...

...it could be demons. Wait, no that's not it. Just had to throw in a little Buffy magic there.

No, my theory is this: onglyza was what was messing with my sugars. Let me explain. No, too much. Let me sum up.

I couldn't figure out why my sugars were so great for my diary. I happened to mention to my husband that I was being a horrible patient when it came to my pills. (Insulin, I don't forget - pills, yes. If I'm not home at dinner, that's it. Pills stay untaken.) He pointed out that I wasn't taking those pills a couple of days before I was doing my diary. I mostly dismissed the thought, because really, there's no reason that would be it.

Far be it from medication and diabetes to be reasonable.

I started to be a good patient again and taking all my pills the day before I went in, and the next night the sugars were a little wacky again. So I decided to do an experiment (I mean, hey the pills were experimental anyway...) and went off them. Fabulous sugars in the house. I have even dropped my Lantus back to 10, and will see how that goes. (I've seen a few lows with no pills and at 12. I fought to get down to 100 with the pills and at 12.)

I never thought that would be it because my sugars were crazy before I went on it. It didn't start the day after I took them or something. No obvious linkage. But now I think I was probably mildly sick, and then the onglyza messed with me. Who knows?

I've got a theory - it could be bunnies.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Silly pancreas, tricks for are.....NOBODY. STOP.

In the diabetic version of "everything went to hell until I called the doctor" my sugars have been wacky until I had to document them for my last trip to Utah for the study. And then, they decide to behave. Not only behave, but behave BEAUTIFULLY.

91. 87. 109. etc, etc. (The highest I saw during the 3 day diary period was 126. OOOOH SOOOO HIGH!!!!) (Not really).

And so they looked at my sugars and couldn't tell me what to do to adjust, because obviously, I'm doing everything perfectly. And while I am, of course, practically perfect in every way, it made me sigh and laugh at the same time.

I will get the official results in a few days, but the test went as follows: No Lantus, No Novolog. Fasting sugar: 112. Drink given (ah, vanilla Boost, how I long for thee...) 2 hours into the test - 281. Yeah, bad. 281 is the highest sugar I've seen since diagnosis. (6 months ago MMTT 2 hours into it was 245.) It really confirmed to me that my pancreas is dead in the water. One hour later - 219. Huh. Something brought it down. One hour after that - 165, and a half hour later, I was at 134. So it would appear I have some pancreatic function after all. Or I did that day, anyway. This makes me HAPPY. VERY HAPPY. If only we could get that function to kick in a little EARLIER, that would be fabulous. It would also be "non-diabetic" so, you know....

Then I had a "physical exam" which basically consisted of the doctor telling me how much better I looked than when I first began, "so much more color in your face!" and he takes full credit for that, and seriously, he's said this every time he's poked his head in when I've been there (exams aren't standard every time I go). "Doesn't she look better? Do you remember how she looked a year ago?" which kind of translates to "you looked like a steaming pile of dog poo when I met you. I congratulate myself that you no longer do so."

I left, ate lunch and dinner (with appropriate boluses) and my sugars didn't come down at all, and I fell asleep in the 160's. SEE how my pancreas knows when I'm in the office? It's kind of a smart little organ, but instead of focusing its efforts on messing with me, it needs to focus its efforts on producing beta cells, although I'm sure messing with me is far more fun.

So no more study for me. All done. I can't believe I started this 2 years ago. Wait, yes I can. The results will be published in June, and then they will unblind everybody, and they can tell me whether or not I got the drug, and in what dosage. I was not aware of this, but apparently of the 3 "arms" that got the drug (1 placebo "arm") there were 3 different dosages. So that'll be interesting. I wonder if I'd gotten more drug, if I would have gone off insulin as they had 5 of 14 patients did. And yet it was stopped because it was "ineffective". Whatever. It was pulled because it was expensive. Period.

But that way lies craziness. I got what I got, and unless I have a time machine and a way to break into the randomization process of drug studies, I can't change it.

I'll have a new a1c soon, and official C-peptide levels, which will result in another boring numbers post. I'll bet you're all looking forward to that with baited breath. I know I am. (The thing is, I really am. This is my body we're talking about, you know.)

Saturday, April 9, 2011


Upped my Lantus to 12. Novolog went from 1:20 to 1:15. We'll see how this goes. I was tired of seeing 180s pre-meal. I was tired of seeing 180s - period. More insulin has really helped - go figure. What a concept.

Of course, yesterday I was 200 for no reason I could tell. Whatever. And today after the same breakfast I eat every day and always see good post meals, I was in the 170s at lunch. Again - whatever. Who knows anymore?

I want a pump and a CGM. I'm going to ask for them in June at my next endo appointment. I'm pretty sure I will obsess over the CGM constantly. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Monday, March 28, 2011

I Don't Know HOW

I have decided I officially don't know how to be a diabetic who's not honeymooning.

(And no, I don't know that for a fact, but things have been all over the map, I'm not sick, it's the only explanation I can come up with, and I'm pretty sure the onglyza is doing nothing.)

Yesterday I had a low after I went walking, which I wasn't too surprised about, I walked longer than I planned to, and it was right after dinner, so my insulin was still very much in force.

So, I did what you do when you go low. I ate carbs. Came up nicely to 99.

An hour later I was 175, because apparently, you raise your blood sugar, and it just keeps going and going.

I'm tired of correcting - I'm worried I'm going to run out of needles before I can refill them. I guess I just have to learn to do this whole thing all over again - find the right combination of Lantus and the right ratio of Novolog/carbs. Fun times, my friends. Fuuuunnnnn tiiiiimmmessss....

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Please Tell Me Why

Fasting this morning was 132. Not the best, but I decided not to beat myself up over it. But I was in a hurry, so I had eggs for breakfast. Eggs. No milk, no toast, no fruit, just eggs. And so I had no insulin.

At lunch I was 154.

Why would eggs cause my sugars to rise? Things have been so wacky lately, blood sugar wise, I'm fairly confident the honeymoon is over. I will find out for sure on Apr. 21, when I go in for my last visit for the study, and a mixed meal tolerance test is done. I'm kind of sad about it, but hey, I couldn't honeymoon forever, I guess, and it has been over 2 years.

I really do want to know, though. Why was I higher at lunch? Also, I think my a1c is going to suck. I'm not looking forward to it.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


I am way too young and have had this disease way too short a time to be having neuropathy like this. Fingers, face, toes - burning, tingling, zinging weirdness.

Fasting this morning: 157. What the??? (For the record, I went to bed at 116)

I have worked out every day this week. If that's not helping, I am going to quit and stare out the window for the rest of my life. I mean, if bad sugars happen regardless of what I do, why should I do anything? Ah, fatalism.

Also, McDonald's tried to kill me by serving me regular Dr. Pepper instead of diet. I was mad, but boy that sip was tasty. If I ever get to choose my last meal, because, you know, I kill somebody, I am having lots and lots of sugar.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

For the Record

My sugars are behaving beautifully again. I do not know what caused them to freak out for those couple of weeks -and I have discovered that nothing puts me in a worse mood than seeing 180 as a fasting - but they're all back to "normal" now. My theories:

1. I WAS mildly sick and didn't have other symptoms, but my body was fighting something, causing the sugars to rise.

2. The honeymoon was ending but putting me on onglyza DID cause a c-peptide response, causing better control.

3. The disease was just reminding me that often it doesn't make sense.

I'm going with #1, with a dash of #3, but you never know. I guess it's a good thing I didn't up my insulin after all.

In other news, Breyer's carb smart vanilla ice cream and diet root beer actually makes a pretty decent root beer float. That's exciting.

I still hate my One Touch monitor, but I've stopped throwing it across the room and swearing at it. Baby steps, people.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

In Which I Use a LOT of CAPS

About a week ago, my sugars started going wack - a - doo. And by "wack - a - doo", I mean "high for no discernible reason." Middle of the night- 230? Wha? I thought maybe I was getting sick, but so far, no symptoms of sickness have manifest themselves.

So today at the endo I asked him if I should change insulin usage, and he said no, because I would go too low. He didn't run an a1c because I had one in January. Dude, I really think I need just a titch more, but apparently pre-meals in the 120's (and, um, 160s!!) don't bother him too much. I do like him a lot, but he is SO hypo-phobic, and I'm a little hyper-phobic. (post meals are too high!) He's seen too much, I think, and so he is very reluctant to up insulin levels. I think it might be the honeymoon ending, but that just makes me sad.

And then - let the experimenting begin! - he put me on a type 2 drug "onglyza" to see if that helps stimulate a c-peptide response. We shall see what we shall see.

He was FASCINATED by the fact that I went hypo on antibiotics. He had never heard of that before, although he said some RA patients respond to antibiotics for no reason that the medical community can think of - they just do, but he hadn't heard of any diabetics responding that way. He is pondering it, I guess.

In other news, my insurance company "forced" me to switch monitors, and I left my Freestyle (which I had grown to really like since they switched new test strips) to One Touch. I tried to test my blood when I got home. No dice. Error, error, error, error, ERROR!!!! The error message translated - the test strip didn't have enough blood. I thought it was possibly due to the fact that I couldn't feel the lancet poking me at all. So I called them, and they "walked me through testing my blood" because apparently I am a moron who doesn't know how to use a monitor, but in the end, they are sending me a new lancing device. The worst part is - they want me to CHANGE LANCETS EVERY TIME!!!!

Them: It cuts down on infection to use a sterile one every time.

Me (in my head) : It makes you more money for us to use one every time.

Me: (out loud): It's a pain in the butt, especially when you have to test 6-8 times a day. It's REALLY annoying.

Them: Well, you do what you want, but this is what we recommend.

Me (in my head): Well, duh, I will do what I want, but if they don't POKE ME, it doesn't really matter how many I go through, now does it?

Me (out loud): Are these cheaper or something, because these are not the same lancets that were sent to me when I got a free One Touch monitor a while back.

Them: We changed them so there is less discomfort.

Ah, less discomfort. What a noble goal. But seriously, poking yourself should hurt a little, I mean, we're trying to get BLOOD OUT, not get ERROR MESSAGES DUE TO LACK OF BLOOD. Of course, multiple error messages just means I have to use more test strips and lancets, which probably isn't their goal at all. I must have gone through 6 just trying to get one reading. That lew lancing device better be a LOT better. And since I haven't hit my deductible yet, that little blood sugar reading probably cost me roughly 10 dollars.

Seriously, my old monitor, I just changed the lancet when I felt it getting dull, every couple of days. I seriously filled the scrip twice or something absurdly small, because I got 100/box. *whine* I just want to keep using my old monitor - stupid insurance.

I think I have issues with change. POSSIBLY.

I also am forced to do mail order prescription if I want to stay on Novolog. Which isn't a big deal, but is a pain in the tuckus for everyone involved, except UHC, I guess.

Also, this week, I saw the gyn (Mon) and had a mammogram on Tuesday. It's been a medically intense week. Maybe I'll hit the chiro tomorrow just to round it out.

Friday, February 11, 2011


I ate a chocolate croissant today at lunch. (not FOR lunch, just AT lunch.) Well, half of one. My husband brought home samples from a bakery and I kind of NEEDED it. Apparently, though, I did not guess right on the amount of carbohydrates, because an hour after lunch I went low.

So then I HAD to eat the other half.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Dream A Little Dream

I've really been getting into this whole exercise thing lately, and Jillian Michaels has been on my TV a lot. Last night I tried her "yoga meltdown" which was less "breathe and stretch, just go as far as you can" and was more "Rep it out! Come on! You can do this! Sun salutations - FASTER!" which was a little jarring when it wasn't what I was expecting. It was still a good workout, though, and hey, expectations can shift. It's all good.

Except then last night I was dreaming that I was hiking with Jillian and some other nameless, faceless people, when we reached our destination and I asked Jillian for some juice because I was shaking pretty badly and thought I was going hypo. She of course reached for the juice, and poured me a glass, but I couldn't get to it, because, you know, it was a dream. Since I couldn't get the juice, I tried to get to the candy in my pocket, but it too was not cooperating. (You know those dreams where you have to pee in your dream, but you can't go? It was like that.) Then I woke up. I wasn't still shaking, but my heart was racing, and I thought I had better check my sugars just in case my body was sending me a message. Yep. 60s. This time the candy was available, though, so that was comforting.

This is the second time I've had a dream when I'm low. I wonder if that happens often to other people.

So - doing a hard workout before bed - not the best idea in the world. I often do yoga at night, it's very relaxing, but I suppose I'll have to stick with the calming, soothing kind. Jillian can wait until morning.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Still Alive. Take THAT, Nature!

2 year anniversary has come and gone. I'm still alive. Bummer that it costs so much to keep me that way, though. My insurance keeps sending me letters about how Humalog is cheaper than Novolog. I'm not super comfortable with switching insulins though, so too bad, baby.

Also, ONCE in a while, can I Google a disease and NOT see diabetes as a risk factor? Just once. I guess I just need to stop Googling.

In other news, my dental hygienist's assistant (oh yeah I am a priority there, baby) hates that I have wisdom teeth. "They're so hard to floss." she whined as she violated my mouth. Sorry, honey, I should have thought of your job when I decided not to have them pulled. How inconsiderate of me.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Latest Utah Trip

First of all, the weather was the worst I've ever seen it. The inversion and the smog was so bad, you could barely see or breathe, with warnings posted everywhere (DRIVE LESS) and people telling you not to go outside if you don't have to. I'm sorry, but how bad does the summer have to be before you say "16 degrees with no breathable air is better than this."?

In other news, the a1c was 6. It's been better, but that's not bad. Not bad at all.