Friday, September 30, 2011

Let's Just Hope the Insulin's Still Good, Yes? Also, Warthogs.

So, I went low last week. The only thing I could think of is maybe it was due to a "training run" I did for a 5K that my daughter is doing, and I'm supposed to do it with her. I'm still not 100% sure I will participate in it - running completely baffles me. If there is anything more dull than putting one foot in front of the other for long periods of time, I don't know what it is. Possibly studying the brain chemistry of warthogs. That seems like it would be fairly boring.

OK, so last night I had another "training run" and let me tell you, training with super nice people who are still 1000 times better than you at running is not fun. It's kind of humiliating, but hey, what's life without a little humiliation? (Answer: fun.) (Note: I know these people are not thinking less of me. They know I'm a beginner. It's still mortifying.) I was super freaked out about going low, though, so I cut my bolus in half before eating a small dinner, and then ate a larger meal afterwards.

Of course, it was then that I nothiced the needles I stuck in my kit were gone, so it's highly possible that a few unused insulin needles fell out of my kit on the run, and now the people in that neighborhood are going to think heroin addicts are abundant in their streets, and leaving their crap everywhere. Sorry, peeps.

Finger prick at 2 a.m. : 256. Well, if the mission was "not going low" then I get a gold star. Platinum. I should probably be more specific in my mission statements.

In other news: Today begins the use of some insulin that showed up mail order and sat on my porch for a day and a half in the scorching sun while I was gone for the weekend. I love insurance companies and the hoops they make you jump through to get your meds paid for. They're so awesome and willing to work with you too. (What do you mean you don't want Humalog? Don't you know it's CHEAPER!?)

So we shall see if the boluses work, (bolusi? bolus's? How do you pluralize this word?) or if I have to pay out of pocket for insulin so I don't, you know, die. Did I mention it was 3 month's supply of both Lantus and Novolog? (I still have an effective bottle of Lantus. I don't know why I have more Lantus. I probably dropped a Novolog or something).

The thought of paying out of pocket for 6 bottles of insulin that are all over 100 bucks each, when I already met my $4000 deductible makes me want to jump for joy over how much I must be helping the economy. Think of the jobs I'm saving!!!!

Yes, I'm grateful I have insurance. Can you get them to pay if the mail order destroyed your stuff? Because I can't seem to.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Day So Far

I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell phone. I grabbed it, talked to my parents briefly, and then decided it was time to get up anyway, since it was only about 15 minutes before I usually get up. Then my sister called, we chatted, and I dosed my Lantus at my usual time. (I split my dose between morning and night. I know it's unusual, but it works for me. Usually.)

What? You don't care that my sister called? That's superfluous information? Yeah, you're right. Too bad.

I went onto the computer, and hit facebook. I admit I spend way too much time there. As I was trying to read a status update complaining about the new interface, I noticed I was having a hard time seeing it. It wasn't going blurry exactly, I just couldn't seem to focus on it for some reason, and the world started heading into a tunnel. I decided to check my sugars.

Yep. 33. I went "whoah, that's low" and grabbed 2 Starbursts, which I keep in my testing kit with my meter. I actually tapped an update onto fb about it, thinking I should let somebody know. Then I lay down, and stared at the ceiling as the sweat drenched me. I hate the sweat.

As my heart attempted to leap out of my chest, I thought "I am going to pass out, and I don't care." And then the next thought slooooooowly formed. "I am going to pass out. I should prevent that. I had candy. Need juice." And so I forced myself up and to the kitchen and poured myself whatever that combo was - orange/mango/pineapple/strawberry/every- fruit-ever-picked juice. And then I grabbed some Crunch Berries - just a handful.

And then I realized again - I LOVE Crunch Berries. It's a very tasty cereal.

And then I checked again, kind of thinking - I might be able to justify a whole bowl of Cap'n Crunch's chemicals. 89. And while it ruled out the ceral, I love that number. It is my new best friend. 5 minutes later it was 110. Then I ate breakfast. Who knows what bolus I should have used, I'm still not completely sure how high the rebound is going to go.

I haven't showered yet, but I'm thinking about it.

Good morning to me. Hey - it can only get better from here, right? RIGHT?

Friday, September 16, 2011

30 things about invisibility, er, illness.

It is "National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week." And that, my friends, is a mouthful. Holy crap - try saying that 10 times fast.

OK, then. What is a "visible" illness, exactly? I'm trying to think of one - down syndrome is visible, but it's not an "illness" or a "disease", it's an extra chromosome. I thought of my niece with a spinal cord injury, but that's an injury - she's not sick. I saw a show on Discovery about this woman with a giant tumor that weighed over 100 pounds - it was bigger than she was. Nasty. OK, let's celebrate that I don't have that! Or leprosy! Or ebola! Because those would suck. Hmmmm....maybe ALS? That's pretty visible, I guess.

Yes, I get very caught up in semantics.

If you have a visible illness that I didn't think of, and are now mad at me, I'm sorry.

OK, so it's a meme! Which is a strange word that I'm not entirely sure how to pronounce. But that's what it's called, so here goes.

"30 Things About My Chronic Illness" meme:
1. The illness I am living with is: Type 1 Diabetes.

2. I was diagnosed in the year: 2009

3. But I had symptoms since: late 2008.

4. The biggest adjustment I've had to make is: Hard question. Pretty much everything, and yet, not everything. Boy howdy, do I make sense. Food, exercise, and activities have had to change, but the basic who I am hasn't. Yes?

5. Most people assume: It's exactly the same as Type 2.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Eating breakfast. I never did do it before, and now I am forced to fairly soon after I wake up. It's not really "hard", but it's a nuisance.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Current one - House, the show about a brilliant doctor who misdiagnosis his patients 3 times before getting the right diagnosis, almost killing them in the process. Former one - Scrubs. Hilarious. Those are really the only 2 medical shows I've watched.

8. A gadget I couldn't live without: My testing kit. It is with me, always. Like God, only in small, gadgetry form.

9. The hardest part about nights are: wondering what my sugars will do that night, and hoping that my body wakes me up if I go hypo.

10. Each day I take: 5 shots, 1 pill, and 2 vitamins. Minimum, assuming the sugars don't need correction.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: If you find one that works for you, great. But sometimes they are really dangerous, and I get angry at the scams. But I love massage, relaxation techniques, and my chiropractor. Just don't ask me to drink saltwater and tell me it'll cure me.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose Well, since the only visible illnesses I can think of are horrific ones, let's go invisible.

13. Regarding working and career: I've been home with my kids for a long time. I want to re-enter the work force now, but apparently job-searching at 36 and job searching at 21 are two very different things. Diabetes won't stop me from working, though.

14. People would be surprised to know: That I'm a one-eyed, one-eared, giant purple people eater.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I have to think about this ALL THE STINKING TIME. It regulates what and when I eat, as well as what and when I exercise, and I have to plan everything around it.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness but I did was: I don't know. Eat birthday cake?

17. The commercials about my illness: make me hate Wilfred Brimley. Also they are always on during the day and are geared to the elderly so they make me feel old.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: I miss the general freedom of being able to pop things into my mouth without thinking about the carb content, or eating whenever I want to without worrying about insulin stacking, or hypos, or highs, or my exercise schedule, or the myriad of other things. Freedom, I miss you.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Dr. Pepper.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Yoga. I love it, it's an exercise that doesn't mess with my sugars, and I never thought I could get this strong or flexible, even though I still have a lot of room for improvement.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again, I would: Sleep in, have a Dr. Pepper for breakfast, swim without worrying that I'll pass out in the pool, and then eat some more sugary crap. Hey, I just have one day, right?

22. My illness has taught me:Everything in the body is connected. I know, obvious, right? But it's really brought home how every little thing you do affects the entire body. You can't just treat the foot without having it affect the brain, and vice versa. It's ALL connected, and always will be. Treat the person first. Also, moderation is crucial, as too much insulin or sugar will do horrible things to you, and this has become a metaphor for me for other aspects of my life. Live within reasonable boundaries, but not horribly constricting ones. Also, cocoa roast almonds are awesome. Atkins makes some peanut butter cups that taste just like Reese's, and some coconut bars that taste just like Mounds. I never would have known about them, and they make me so happy.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: My aunt so-and-so had that. She died a horrible death. Gee, thanks.

24. But I love it when people: Listen, and get a little educated, and try to understand.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote, that gets me through tough times is: Be still and know that I am God. I love this song from Scrubs. Also, the poo one.
26. When someone is diagnosed I'd like to tell them: You are not alone. You can do this. And I would tell them about those Atkins bars, and carb smart ice cream mixed with diet root beer. Delish.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How much blood sugar affects my mood.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn't feeling well was: Babysit my kids.

29. I'm involved with Invisible Illness week because: It's a good thing.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Glad you stopped by.