Tuesday, October 18, 2011

What do you mean I can't quit? That's just RUDE.

Ah, the lows. The waking up at 33. The going from 123 to 38 in half an hour, with no visible reason. (Brushing my teeth couldn't have dropped my sugars THAT much, right?) The 220 in the middle of the night, only to be corrected and then drop back to 38.

These things: They are not fun. (Hello, captain obvious.)

Dear Diabetes: I quit.

Dear Heidi: I don't mean to be rude, but Nope. You can't. Carry on. I'll be here.

Everything else I can quit! I've quit a couple of jobs in my life, and if I wanted to, I could quit my marriage, my kids, my church, my hair stylist - I could drop my dog off at the humane society, I could put my house up for sale, or I could walk away from it and ignore the mortgage, I can quit pretty much anything I want to, and the consequences would range from minor to truly life-altering. (I mean, if I quit my hairstylist, I would look baaaaad.) But none of them would be fatal. I don't want to quit any of those things, and I won't, but I love that the OPTION is there. I CHOOSE to stay in my house, my marriage, my religion, and keep that stupid dog, and I like that I know that's why I'm doing it. I like options.

Diabetes gives me very few options. Oh sure, there are some. Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi, for one. (And why anyone even MAKES Diet Pepsi, I have yet to understand.) Pumps vs. pens vs. needles. Humalog vs. Novolog. Sooooo many ways to treat. But in reality, these are fake options. The only real option is to PAY ATTENTION or DIE. Yippee-kie-ay.

No quitting. Ever. Not even if you whine.

So anyway, I forced my way into my endo's office to show off my highs and lows, and he switched me from Lantus to Levemir, and lowered the dose a tad. He ordered me a Dexcom, which he says is the "greatest thing for a diabetic since insulin." I WANT IT. I WANT IT A LOT. I know I would obsess over it constantly, but I've noticed that obsessing is encouraged with this disease. It also makes you crazy, but hey, sanity is overrated.

I may end up in the loony bin, but my a1c will be awesome.

We are waiting to see what the insurance says, since, you know, I've never passed out or spent quality time in the ER from my lows or anything, so I might not be the best candidate. You don't get the really GOOD diabetes treatment options until your disease is out of control. Good control is punished, and yet, it's clearly the best option.

I will stop saying options. It's sounding weird to me now. You know how words do that when you say them a lot? Options.....ooooooptiiionnns.....

For some reason, 38 is the number I've been seeing so much. Maybe the universe is using diabetes to send me a message and give me the lottery numbers or something. After all, if you can't explain the numbers, it must be a message from the cosmos, right? Every time I get a reading I don't get, (205? But I thought I was going LOW!) I'm going to take it as a numerology message. Ok, no. No, I'm not.

Also, I've been known to mildly swear at waitresses when they "Is Diet Pepsi OK?" Hell No, No it's not. Sorry about that yesterday, lady. It was a bad day.