Warning. May Cause....

(Back to 10 units of Lantus. That lasted a week. I really think the z pack lowered my sugars. I have no other explanation.)

Years ago, I heard a famous nutritionist (I know he was famous because it was on TV) - I can't remember his name - say something to the effect of "if the benefits of exercise could be put into a pill, it would be the most prescribed medication of all time. Just think of it as a pill that takes 10 minutes to take." (or something to that effect.)

So, like any medication, exercise has its side effects. And so, I give you the small print:

Side effects of this medication may include, but are not limited to:

- increased thirst
- increased hunger
- weight loss
- weight gain
- fatigue
- irritability
- lowered blood sugars
- raised blood sugars
- muscle pain
- joint pain
- injury
- dehydration
- nausea
- increased sense of "self-righteousness"
- homicidal thoughts, often directed towards the trainer
- may induce thoughts of entering "marathons"

Please be aware that all of these side effects are considered "normal" and you should continue to take this medication as dierected - i.e. every day for the rest of your life.

Wouldn't it be great if they had to list these on commercials for gym equipment/memberships and exercise DVD's the way they have to for all the medications they promote? Nobody would do a leg lift ever again.

News Since Thanksgiving

For a couple of weeks, my ear and throat had been hurting. Ear infection. Oweeee. No wonder babies cry when they get these. I went to a Walgreens walk-in clinic and they prescribed a z-pack of antibiotics the day before Thanksgiving.

(For the record, I am now a fan of walk-in clinics at Walgreens for minor medical problems. SO much easier.)

Thanksgiving was easy, the sugars were really stable. And then, that night, the lows began. I was really surprised, because hypo events are fairly rare for me. And I kept going low for a few days for no inconceivable reason. I wasn't even exercising, because, hey...Thanksgiving. Family in town. It was very weird, and eerily similar to a few days after the first infusion.

I couldn't think of anything that was different, except for the antibiotics. I couldn't find anything online that said antibiotics lowered blood sugars, but maybe they do? I briefly started getting excited that I was getting a bit better. But you know, if a z-pack cured diabetes, I'm pretty sure people would know about that.

And so, I (shhhh!!) lowered my Lantus dose once again down to 8. It's been a few days, and the sugars have been fine so far, so that's good, I guess. I'm a little cautious, because last time I went to 8, I ended up going back to 10 pretty soon afterwards. The control was just SO much easier at 10 - premeals below 100, instead of btw 100-120. (Not to mention the a1c was better.)

I'm going to wait and see. Pretty much par for the course with this disease, I guess.

Diabetic Blogging. Cool.

So apparently it's dblog day. I really need to get more involved in the diabetic blogging community - but somehow this blog doesn't like me to add links. I keep trying, just to people I know, (non-diabetic) and some diabetes blogs I read occasionally. It always freezes - but I will admit I haven't looked into it too much - I just go "AAAA! It froze again!" and move on.

So the topic is: 6 things I wish people knew about diabetes. It will be Type I specific because that's what I deal with. Here goes!

1. I DID NOT CAUSE THIS. IT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED BY A BETTER DIET, MORE EXERCISE, ETC. I get asked by a lot of people if I used to be fat, and that's what caused this. Nope. Just "lucky". Even with Type 2, there is often a genetic link, and while some of Type 2 is definitely lifestyle, that never tells the whole story. NEVER. Do not assume someone has diabetes because they were lazy or ate too much crap. We don't like it, and it's not true.

2. I am thinking about diabetes basically, all the time. That's what we do. It's not always in the front of my mind, but it's always there. I have to plan my meals, my exercise, pretty much everything around my blood sugar. If someone says "hey, let's go here" I have to think about how that disrupts my routine. Will it mean I have to skip a meal? If so, I better bring plenty of snacks - does it mean I will be exercising more? If so, I have to adjust my dosages accordingly. I don't mind disrupting my routine, and I'm happy to "go here" with you, but I have to think about it. It's annoying.

3. The enemy is not sugar. It's ALL carbohydrates - and not all carbohydrates are created equal. Handing me a piece of "sugar-free" cake means you're giving me something filled with refined flour and Splenda. Refined flour = carbohydrate = sugar. Sugar= I need insulin to eat that. People don't get this, including medical personnel - I've been in the hospital where they gave me food but wouldn't let me take insulin because they wanted to administer all my meds. Fine - this meal would require 2 units - can I have 2 units of Novolog please? They wouldn't give it to me, either, because my pre-meal sugars were fine. Well, OK then. I can't eat this. Carbohydrates require insulin. Period. Even fat and protein eventually require insulin - but not as quickly.

4. Yes, technically, I can eat what you eat. But I don't. This will vary from person to person, of course. Some diabetics will bolus (take extra short acting insulin) for whatever. I find that most desserts do not warrant the pain in the tuckus it requires to eat them. I have to give myself an extra shot, or take extra at the meal and then make sure I eat dessert while the insulin is still in effect, and then monitor my sugars carefully. If I go too high, I have to give myself another shot later to bring them down, or if I gave too much insulin, and go low, I have to eat fast acting sugar (candy, juice, etc.) to bring it back up, and then hopefully I didn't eat too MUCH candy and send it too high, causing a horrible cycle. But yes, I can do that. I've often heard people say "so what if you go high - can't you just give yourself a shot and you'll be ok?" Well, yes and no. Because the blood sugar swing is bad, and I hate the way it makes me feel. Going high and then dropping quickly is not a fun sensation. Going low is terrifying. It's so much easier - for me - to pass on the brownies, thank you.

5. Things that raise blood sugar: too many carbs, not enough insulin, stress, adrenaline, certain medications, hormones, sickness, the list can go on and on. One thing I have definitely learned is that nothing in the body exists in a vacuum. Everything is connected. Things that lower blood sugar: insulin, and exercise. Exercise is great because it makes you super insulin sensitive, they call it "invisible insulin" and it can help you control your sugars better, as it continues to boost your insulin sensitivity for hours afterwards. (Some people can go high with exercise, though, and then drop. It's weird.) However, since exercise can lower sugars quickly, I must be careful about when I exercise (I try to do it 2 hours post meal, if possible) and how much I exercise, and pay close attention to how I feel while doing it.

6.This disease makes no sense. We try, and try, and try, to force rationality onto it, but a random high or low reading can show up when things have been completely normal. It makes me really really mad, since I am working my butt off to keep things as close to normal as possible, but nope. Weirdness. I am trying not to let the bad readings tick me off too much, and I am failing miserably at it. However, I am always willing and happy to talk about it. Questions do not bother me. In fact, you might get an earful when you weren't looking for one. I am still relatively newly diagnosed, so there's still quite a bit I don't know, (i.e. I don't know a lot about pumps - I've never had one) but I like to talk about it - let people know what it's like living with a disease like this.

And finally - if I ask you for candy - give it to me NOW.

There are so many other things I could talk about, what going high feels like, what going low feels like, the emotional adjustment, the increased doctor's visits, the cost, but hey. I've got to stop somewhere, right? Happy diabetes awareness month!

(Other blog posts can be found here.)

Big Pharma - helping me - but screwing you over.

Got the results from the mixed meal tolerance test in Utah. A1c is 5.8. Awesomeness. C-peptide started out really low, but it went up to 2.7, which is really quite good. Honeymooning 21 months after diagnosis? Also awesomeness. My pancreas still works, baby, and even if it's not doing its job completely, I'll take what I can get.

The big news, though - the day I went up there, was the day the office learned that the drug company is pulling all studies of this drug. END. NADA. NOBODY ELSE GETS IT. I did Protege, which had already stopped enrolling because it was full, but Protege Encore? (same drug/same dosage) OVER. Subcue? (drug give with needles instead of infusion) STOPPED. Everybody was in complete shock, they couldn't figure out why. The official reason is that the efficacy goal wasn't reached.

HOW could this drug not be effective? The office I go to has the largest enrollment, and they've seen incredible results. 3 people off insulin, snacking on Snickers bars. Nobody's Lantus dose is over 12, and they've had many people drastically drop - like from 30 to 6. And yes, most people stay on insulin, but the main goal of the drug was to drop insulin usage and extend the honeymoon - which was totally happening. Maybe other sites were teaching their subjects differently - i.e. saying they didn't need to manage their diabetes, see if the drug does that - I don't know, but saying the drug is ineffective just blows my mind, and everyone else working with it.

It's also supposed to decrease the number of lows, and you want to know how many hypoglycemic events I've had in the last 6 months? TWO. And both times, I know the reason why (more exercise than usual). I am no longer terrified of going low - I mean, I still carry candy, but I hardly ever use it. That right there makes it worth it.

You know, in the beginning, I would Google all the time, trying to find people that were in the study, see what happened to them, and I would find little snippets here and there, 100% positive. I still do that, actually. And I did see on one board somewhere (and I can't find it now, which is driving me crazy) a comment from someone that struck me as paranoid. It was when Eli Lilly bought into the study (it used to just be MacroGenics, and it happened while I was enrolled) and he said something to the effect of "Eli Lilly always buys into Type 1 studies that look promising, says they aren't effective, and then kills them. Just watch. That's what will happen." And spookily enough, here we are. Eli Lilly was in charge, declared it ineffective, and killed all the studies with teplizumab.

It's almost enough to make me a conspiracy theorist. I mean, the dude predicted it. The press release (found here) says it was an independent committee, but hmmm....

(The office also found Eli Lilly much harder to work with. Reimbursements for travel and other payments started taking much longer to get.)

I don't know why a drug company would kill it, though. I mean, most people don't go off insulin. They still need the test strips, the needles, the insulin, the money makers for the drug companies. They just get an additional drug, which you think would be win/win for the drug company. Make diabetes MORE expensive, but with the added benefit of extended honeymoon/fewer lows/increased quality of life for the diabetic. But the whole thing stinks of money somehow - maybe they wouldn't get people to pay for the drug, after all, every doctor I've ever mentioned to that I took this, pauses for a second and says "that has got to be one expensive drug." So possibly they were worried they'd get it approved only to have it sit on the shelf as insurance companies and patients opt not to pay for it.

The whole thing just really really bothers me. I don't like the feeling of not trusting the data. What other drugs were stopped in the past and/or will be stopped in the future? I don't like that nobody else will get this drug, when I would totally recommend it to anybody newly diagnosed. I don't like feeling like the search for a cure has taken HUGE steps backwards, all because of the almighty dollar.

But hey, MY numbers are good. I'M lucky, I guess. But there should be more than just a handful of us.

Things That Make Me Say "Ouch"

I got my pneumonia shot (finally!) on Saturday. It still hurts. That was one heck of a needle, too. I had no idea.

My new exercise "regime" is to do something every day so that I'm a little bit sore the next day, just to remind myself that I'm alive, and I did something good for my body. Does being sore from the shot count? I'm going with "yes." (and "no.")

The only problem with the exercise "plan" is that I'm having to do more and more in order to feel the effects, and I try not to think about how eerily similar that is to alcohol/drug tolerance.

I guess it's good because it means I'm getting stronger, and it makes me work separate areas of my body, but it's bad because well, exercise isn't all that fun to do, even if it DOES actually make you feel better afterwards and helps your sugars.

And on that note, I have a DVD to work out to before the kids get home from school. Since my arm hurts, I think I'll do the ab portion. It has never failed yet to get me sore.

So, today.

I was reminded today of two things:

1. Pizza is the devil.

2. Exercise really matters - even in small amounts. Sitting around reading all day is not good for your sugars. Especially when you're reading a book about end of the world type disasters (thanks Andi!) and you're pretty convinced that if anything like that ever happened, you would die early and leave your family to deal with it themselves. Which would suck. Well, for them, anyway.

More Monitor Musings

Ok, so I've been frustrated with my monitor at times. I asked my doctor about it, and well, got the same answer everyone elese gives me - they're all basically the same, and FreeStyle's data is pretty good, so...I stuck with it. I still had a bunch of test strips, after all.

Freestyle has these new test strips now, with a butterfly on them, and I like them. They take less blood, they register more quickly, etc. But I noticed since I switched, my sugars have been a little lower. Coincidence?

This morning, my fasting sugar was 73. Hmm...I felt a little low, I guess, but nothing major. (Not that 73 is super major, but eating is definitely warranted at that point.) I still had one pack of old test strips left, and I mean 'old' as in 'filled last month' not 'old' as in 'past expiration date'. So I tested with that, and it said 85.

So..maybe the old test strips really did run a little high. Who knows?

In other news, I will be headed to Utah in a couple of weeks for another Mixed Meal Tolerance Test to see if I'm still making insulin. My fasting sugar has to be above 80. Maybe I'll bring my old strips, just in case. :)

MORE: Pre lunch: OLD: 98. NEW:80. Ummm.....

And So I Add Another Pill

Had a doctor's appt. last Monday. He still loves me. He ran some blood tests.

Thyroid is good.

Vitamin D level is good.

Cholesterol - Bad. HDL and triglycerides are awesome, but that $%* LDL - crept up to 191. That's pretty dang high. My doc is very cautious about treating cholesterol, but that number got his attention.

Phone calls from your doctor on a Saturday morning are never good. Ever noticed that?

He was sweet, though, and said "It's nothing you are doing. Your body just makes LDL because of your family history." It's like he read my last post or something!

And so last night I began a low dose (10 mg) of simvastatin. I really wanted to avoid cholesterol meds, but I guess that was not meant to be. Hopefully it can be short term use - I don't know if that's normal, but it is something I'm going to ask for.

Plus, it wasn't a fasting cholesterol. I had eaten breakfast already. I thought cholesterol had to be a fasting number?

I'm a little bummed. More evidence that my body doesn't work all that well.

Don't Blame Me OR It's Been a Bad Day

Had a high reading before lunch today. Ticked me off for 2 reasons:

1. I had no symptoms of being high. There often aren't any, which is why I do NOT understand diabetics who don't test. "I can just feel it." Well, maybe they can. Everyone is different, after all. I can only sometimes "feel it", meaning I am either peeing every 2 minutes (OK, I must be high) or I am unbelievably exhausted.

Of course, fatigue can also mean I'm going low. It can also mean I'm just tired for a host of other non-diabetic reasons.

I hate tiredness. I never know what the "deeper meaning" is. It's like some obscure book in the Old Testament. Or Yoga.

2. I had no REASON for being high. I ate nothing different, did not change my activity level, nothing. I finally chalked it up to the cold I'm fighting and the fact that I'm pre-menstrual. (What? TMI? Welcome to blogging, people.)

SO. I had high blood sugar because viruses exist and I'm a female with a working reproductive system. THESE THINGS ARE NOT MY FAULT.

And yet, if I ever do have serious complications, I know there will be many health care workers (not all of them, but many) who will write it off as something I did or did not do. I know this because I've heard them. I've heard Dr. Oz say he hates operating on patients when he knows their heart attacks are self inflicted and could have been prevented with a better diet. It was a Type II diabetic. I stopped watching Dr. Oz.

When I first got diagnosed, my PCP sat and told me about people 10 years older than I am who sit in his office and complain and cry about how awful this disease, and how much pain they're in, when they "have noone to blame but themselves. " He said this. He was trying to motivate me to control my sugars. He is no longer my PCP.

My feet and legs have been burning lately. My A1C's have been fabulous. And yet, nerve damage. It's the disease, not me.

And so, today I whine. This disease sucks. Did I mention the PMS?

My Current Obsession

I have to shout it from the rooftops.

These are unbelievably good. Like, to die for good. No more carbs than regular almonds. Super tasty, though. Also - almonds - good for you and your cholesterol. (If you're expecting super sweet, though, it's not going to happen. These are not chocolate covered almonds. These are almonds roasted with cocoa powder.)

These are also very good. If you're into cinnamon instead of chocolate. How the 'brown sugar' thing doesn't add to the carb count, I'm still not quite sure. But still. Tasty. Mmmm. And again - almonds good. Cinnamon good.

Can you tell I eat a lot of almonds? They are my go-to snack, and lately, I've been getting tired of the regular ones.

These are unbelievably disgusting. I will admit I've steered clear of most sugar free candy, in general, because sugar alcohols do affect my blood sugar a little, and you know, it's not usually all that tasty. But I saw a small packet of these at the Target check out, and I LOVE Werther's candy, so I thought I'd give it a shot. NASTY. One piece in my mouth, and then I had to spit it out and throw out the box, lest I be tempted to try it again. Ew.

And there you have it. I'm now off to see if I can get these things cheaper. Peace out.

The Results Are IN

5.6 BABY! YEAH!!!

Just Reporting

Happy to report:

No diabetic retinopathy.

Teeth are still looking good.

Neck pain is decreasing, although not completely gone. I still have a few adjustments to go.

Seriously, though, leaving the eye doctor with my eyes dilated with that, I thought "I should not be driving. This is not safe." Of course I totally drove anyway.

So proceed with caution when driving near eye doctor's offices. You never know who they just set loose on the world.

Also, getting your teeth cleaned while your eyes are dilated is a little bit trippy.

What the?

OK, so I got a new monitor "free" in the mail. I've only ever used the Freestyle and I wanted to try a different one out so I filled out the offer. It came today, and so I tested my sugars. Voila:

NEW MONITOR (One Touch): 77.

OLD MONITOR (Free Style): 92

Um. Yeah. I have no idea which one's right. So I tested again.

NEW: 76
OLD:88

At least the new one is more consistent. But still. I thought all monitors were supposed to be basically the same, and whichever one you like, that's the one you use. What do I do now? I know! I'll order a third one, and a fourth, and drive myself insane! Doesn't that sound fun?

I do remember joking that I wanted a new monitor that would show me lower numbers, though. I guess I got one.

And if my FreeStyle monitor really does run about 10 points high, then hey, my sugars have been better lately than I thought. Maybe OneTouch runs low. Maybe they're both about 5 points off. Maybe I should obsess about it some more.

Seriously, though, is there someone I can call to ask about this?

A Non Whiny Post

My sugars have been SOO beautiful lately. I thought I should mention that, since it seems like I'm just on this blog when things are going badly, and I'm whining a lot. But really, the control has been so easy, and I'm grateful. I have another a1c next weekend, in Utah, as part of the study, so we'll see.

In other news, my neck hurts, like, really a lot. So I've started seeing a chiropractor, which is new. (Great! Another medical professional!) I hope he's not crazy. So far, he seems to be fine, but the second he tells me he can cure my diabetes with raw foods or supplements, I'm out of there. He took an x-ray, and he told me a couple of vertebrae in my neck are twisted - which seems to be something chiropractors say, according to Google. Maybe they are twisted, I don't know. So basically, I'm seeing if it helps, and if it does, great, if not - I'll stop going. Done and done.

The insurance covers it, so it's not out of pocket. Yes, you can blame me for high health care costs. I have become a far more expensive person to keep alive in the past couple of years. If he doesn't help, I guess I go to my primary care and complain of "neck pain." I've heard they love vague symptoms like that.

School starts on Monday (yes! Freedom!) and come Tuesday I'll hit the dentist, the eye doctor, and the chiro. Friday it's the study and the a1c. You know, it seems like this body needs more maintenance than my car and my house put together.

In conclusion, I love Crystal Light popsicles. They make summertime in Arizona a livable place for diabetics.

Psychological Tricks - Yes or No?

I was talking to my mom, and she mentioned something the Osmond dude on American Idol said - although it is certainly not original to him. I guess he said "I have MS, it doesn't have me." She wanted me to apply that to my diabetes.

My gut response was "That's simply not true." Of COURSE it has me. AND I have it. And we are battling it out in a neverending war. The outcome is unknown, but truthfully, the odds are heavily in favor of diabetes winning.

I understand the thinking. It's better, psychologically and physically, to believe that the disease is secondary to who I am. But telling myself "I have diabetes, it doesn't have me?" Is that truly helpful? Yes? No? Maybe so? I've obviously been mulling it over. It's all about that tricky illusion of control - how much control do I really have? Quite a bit, or none at all?

Then she tried to tell me how much worse things could be, I could be in constant pain, I could have no legs, I could live in Haiti. I've told myself that, too. And you know, it's funny, but telling myself that other people's lives suck worse than mine does never seems to make me happy.

I tell myself how lucky I am to live in a country with insulin available, hell, with FOOD available. And I really do feel grateful for that. I think about all that I have been blessed with. I have my good days and my bad days, and on the good days, well, things are GOOD, and the sugars are normal, and I think "I can live with this, we can coexist, it's fine" and when the sugars are flying around for no reason that I can possibly fathom, i.e., the bad days, I get bitter and angry. Thankfully I have more good days than bad.

And so: One day at a time. Serenity prayer. (God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.) You know, I've never even touched a beer, and yet I feel like a recovering alcoholic at times.

My phone alarm just went off. Time for a Lantus shot. My diabetes is calling.

Subtle Signals

Dreamed about chocolate cake. Woke up briefly. Then started dreaming about stuffing 5 pieces of cinnamon toast into my face. Quickly and without insulin.

Think my body was trying to tell me something? Apparently dreaming about large amounts of carbohydrates is indicative of a low blood sugar.

FINALLY!

Ok, so I finally got the results - C-peptide levels are right around 2.5. Lower than last time, dang it. (used to be 3.5). But still pretty good for a Type I diabetic 16 months after diagnosis. So...good news, I guess. The honeymoon is still going on - even if my body's not doing AS much of the work as it was before.

I'm not sure what my baseline C-peptide was, I do know it went up after the first infusion, my guess is I'm right around baseline. Evidence again that the first infusion did much more for me than the second one. I really think timing is critical on this drug. The sooner you get it, the better.

Also, A1c was 5.9. Awesomeness.

Waiting Now

I just went up to Utah again for another mixed meal tolerance test. This test marks the one year anniversary of my first infusion. It measures C-peptide levels, and will tell me if I'm still making insulin.

So now we wait. Dun-dun- dun. It should only be a few days, and then I will have a new a1c to record, and some new valuable information.

Previously, after each one of these, my sugars have been completely normal after the test, which told me my pancreas handled the Boost drink pretty well. This time, 160's. So, not dangerously high, but not exactly normal either. It makes me think I'm still making some insulin, but not as much as I used to. We will see what we will see.

My fasting sugars haven't been fabulous lately, either. The doc told me to wait a few more days, and if they were still high, to up my Lantus back up to 10. (Sigh....) But I'm not complaining. 10 is still a very low dose, and the control is still very easy.

Upon coming in, the nurse said "Did you SEE Popular Science March 2010?" Um, no? I don't make it a habit to read Popular Science....she said there was an article written by one of the very first patients to ever get the drug - and after NINE YEARS, her body is still making insulin, although now it is starting to go down. NINE YEARS of honeymooning is pretty amazing. So -nine years from now (I guess 8, maybe, since I've had the first year) - they might have a really great artificial pancreas, or a stem cell based cure, or nothing, I don't know. Who can predict, really? But I choose to be hopeful.

Here is the article - really interesting stuff.

Cheating Nature

It is a very strange feeling to know that if nature had its way, I would be gone - and it would be over a year now. My kids and my husband would visit my grave, and at this point, my husband could possibly be considering remarriage.

But no. I cheated nature. I continue to cheat it every time I inject myself. And so I am still here, thankfully. It's still a strange thought, though. No intervention - no me. I mean, that should mean something, right? Or, maybe not. Maybe it's just the way things are.

And yet, I don't live my life a whole lot differently than before. I mean, yes, the diet and activity level have changed dramatically, and I carry a purse filled with insulin and candy everywhere I go, but I'm not, like, skydiving or traveling to exotic places or anything like that. I don't take advantage of every moment I have left. I waste a lot of time on facebook, actually. Is that wrong?

Do other people feel like this? People who have beaten cancer, or survived a heart attack, or generally cheated nature in any way. Do they go through an existential crisis? And does it change anything for them?

It reminds me of when my SIL had a baby, and they were worried that it might be too big for her to deliver, since her husband is so much taller than she is. She was told "nature always fits the mother." Later, after her C-section, she asked "what happened to 'nature always fits the mother?'" "Well, nature doesn't care if it kills off 10-20%. The species survives." OK then.

I guess the species would survive without me. But I'm glad I'm still here for a while yet. Hopefully a LONG while. Take THAT, nature. I cheat, and I'm winning. (For now.)

Hot Times at the Pharmacy

At the doc, I asked for some different needles, I really don't like the ones I've been using. And I've asked for different ones before, but the pharmacy never changed them. And I mean, they were FINE, so I just used them.

I got the new needles today. They show half units, and only go up to 30 instead of 50.

It's a little sad how happy this makes me. I was thrilled when I opened them and checked them out. Seriously, happy.

I guess I'm easily amused.

Nice

Celiac came back negative. Phew.

Doctor's Visits

Yesterday I saw my endo. He LOVES me. He raved about my sugar print out, congratulated me on my tight control and discipline. (Much of it IS me, I'm obsessive about control, but I am definitely still honeymooning after 13 months, so let's all give a nod to my pancreas and the test drug.)

And then he waxed philosophical about whether or not he would be able to do it, (be disciplined with diabetes) and then we talked endlessly about the test drug, and then he took some labs, so he could say he did something. He also told me to gain weight by eating more carbs. Huh, Thanks. SUPER good insight there. (But seriously, what did I expect, he'd have some magic weight gain wand that he could wave?) (That would be sooooo cool.)

He likes to talk about the trial. It makes him so happy that I'm doing it. He recommended it to a pediatric endo for one of her patients as well. I hope it works out.

As far as the labs went, he tested for Celiac (which I have no symptoms for, but hey, the risk is there), he did a metabolic panel, and checked my vitamin D levels.

He called me tonight around 6:00 - and I always get nervous when doctors call me - to talk about my labs. He hasn't got the celiac antibodies back yet, but my vitamin D levels were low - around 6, when 30 is about normal. So he told me to get some OTC vitamin D. (2000) I don't know how much a supplement is going to help, I thought the OTC levels weren't sufficient, but hey, I'll do it, see what happens. Also, the sun is coming out a lot more, and I couldn't be happier about the excuse to spend more time outside.

Today I went to the OB/GYN for the first time since we moved to AZ for a standard yearly. And if I don't blog about it, then it didn't happen. So I went. And it did. And that's all I have to say about that.

Oh yeah.

OK, so I was in Utah for a blood draw on Monday, and they were going to run an a1c and call me with the results. Just got the phone call. Oh yeah, baby.

5.7!!!!!

She asked if I'd been having a lot of lows, or if I just had good control. There was one day of lows a couple of weeks ago mainly due to the fact that I thought I should up my Lantus dose. (I was bitter about upping it, too). The next day, it was very clear that upping it was not the way to go. Bitterness assauged. Other than that, though, it's just mainly good control.

Today, I am happy. (Last night, I was mad at my 182 before bed, but hey, they can't all be perfect days, right?)

I Feel Like I Should Post

Today is the official one year anniversary. I feel like I went through the whole one year stuff a month ago, though, because around Christmas was when I was feeling crappy and couldn't see, and didn't know what was up. By the time I got into a doctor and got a diagnosis, I pretty much knew what it was. So this anniversary seems a little anticlimactic. Still, though, it's worth marking.

I was in the dentist's chair a few days ago, and he was all "why are you here" and I was all "because it's been six months" and he was all "are you having any problems" and I was all "no, but I'm diabetic, so I come regularly" and he was all "DIABETIC!! Is that in your chart? Do we know that?" and I was all " Yes, but I know nobody here ever checks the chart so I'm mentioning it now" and he was all "well, you don't have any cavities" and I was all "well, good, since I don't eat sugar anymore" and he laughed. "That's the first thing I've heard that suggested diabetes was good for the teeth."

And then he handed me over to the hygienest and her assistant who chatted outside the room for a minute and I swear I heard "She just got her teeth cleaned six months ago" about 4 times. It was like they were shocked. Last I checked, six months was recommended, but I guess nobody really does it. So I got the assistant doing the cleaning, since I "just there six months ago" (AGAIN!) and my teeth were still pretty clean, and the assistant kind of sucks. But hey, she's learning.

I want a new monitor. I appreciate all the advice I got, (both emailed and on the blog) but again today I went from 175 to 92 in the blink of a test strip. Whatever. I have an appointment in a couple of weeks, they will know what the insurance prefers (if any), and I am asking for a new one. Monitoring is, after all, the only way to really manage this disease.

In conclusion, canker sores hurt. I blame the dentist and their x-rays.

TIme for a New Monitor, Maybe?

So, before dinner tonight, I checked my sugars as usual.

69. That's odd. I don't feel low. (cue panic about not recognizing low sugars...) I'll check again.

153. Huh. My BS jumped almost 100 POINTS in the time it takes me to insert a new test strip? I don't think so. I'll check again. 180. Crap.

Hubby suggests I go grab my "back-up" monitor I keep in case I lose my regular one and check with that. Good idea.

122. OK, then. I'll go with that. That fits in with how I'm feeling (as in, I feel fine.)

(And let me tell you how much I LOVE using 4 test strips to check my sugar for one meal. Especially before my deductible is met.)

But, seriously, if I can't trust my monitor, I'm kind of screwed, right? Because if I'm at 180, I need extra insulin, but if I'm at 69, I need extra sugar. Kind of an important distinction. You know, as in vital.

It's a Freestyle Lite. It's what they gave me in the hospital at diagnosis because it's what Aetna preferred. I'm now with UHC (United HealthCare) and I don't know if they prefer one monitor over another, but, I'm going to ask -

Which monitor is the best? Most accurate? The easiest to use? Has anybody tried different ones and formed an opinion? I'd LURVE to know.

I Need....Something. Not Sure What, Though.

I desperately need to gain weight. It's not healthy, my body-type. While I have always been an the scrawny side, this is not good. I can't understand it, really. My sugars have been fairly stable, I eat plenty, why am I getting so skinny? Is it because I've had a cold? I go into the endo next month, I can't wait. I have questions. Like mainly, how do I get fatter without screwing up my sugars royally? If he says "eat more" I will lose it. That's what everyone says, and IT'S NOT WORKING!

Today I went to the gym, in an effort to up my exercise for this year, and also to hopefully put on more muscle. I also upped my carb count (and dosage) at breakfast, since it's possible that my carb restrictions are contributing to my weight loss. Oh yeah, Curves was CLOSED at 11:45 on a Tuesday, and I checked my sugars before I went in (as I do before exercise) and I was at 200!!! (90 minutes post meal, so some insulin was still working I guess, but ugh.) Um, what was that about "my sugars have been stable?"

I lost it. I mean, really, truly, lost it. I will probably drop the Curves membership, because seriously, the hours are crazy enough (they've always been closed from 1-3, which I have never understood), and if they are shortening their hours even more, I simply can't do it. It's not like they have child care. If they're not open during afternoon kindergarten, forget it.

So I came home, checked my sugars again (172) and turned on my Wii fit to get my workout. I dropped the sugars to 103, and got my 30 minutes in, all the while boxing my arms off. I was mad, and the boxing felt good. I'm ALWAYS mad at a high sugar reading. I mean, if I'm counting my carbs and not eating doughnuts, and my sugars are still crappy, then what the hell is the POINT???

And HOW the hell am I supposed to gain weight? Upping the carbs just screws up my sugars, eating more calories isn't doing it, exercise isn't doing it, I need....something. Help. I need help.