Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Don't Blame Me OR It's Been a Bad Day

Had a high reading before lunch today. Ticked me off for 2 reasons:

1. I had no symptoms of being high. There often aren't any, which is why I do NOT understand diabetics who don't test. "I can just feel it." Well, maybe they can. Everyone is different, after all. I can only sometimes "feel it", meaning I am either peeing every 2 minutes (OK, I must be high) or I am unbelievably exhausted.

Of course, fatigue can also mean I'm going low. It can also mean I'm just tired for a host of other non-diabetic reasons.

I hate tiredness. I never know what the "deeper meaning" is. It's like some obscure book in the Old Testament. Or Yoga.

2. I had no REASON for being high. I ate nothing different, did not change my activity level, nothing. I finally chalked it up to the cold I'm fighting and the fact that I'm pre-menstrual. (What? TMI? Welcome to blogging, people.)

SO. I had high blood sugar because viruses exist and I'm a female with a working reproductive system. THESE THINGS ARE NOT MY FAULT.

And yet, if I ever do have serious complications, I know there will be many health care workers (not all of them, but many) who will write it off as something I did or did not do. I know this because I've heard them. I've heard Dr. Oz say he hates operating on patients when he knows their heart attacks are self inflicted and could have been prevented with a better diet. It was a Type II diabetic. I stopped watching Dr. Oz.

When I first got diagnosed, my PCP sat and told me about people 10 years older than I am who sit in his office and complain and cry about how awful this disease, and how much pain they're in, when they "have noone to blame but themselves. " He said this. He was trying to motivate me to control my sugars. He is no longer my PCP.

My feet and legs have been burning lately. My A1C's have been fabulous. And yet, nerve damage. It's the disease, not me.

And so, today I whine. This disease sucks. Did I mention the PMS?


  1. If you're interested, I could get you the names of some books by people who understand. They know that even if you do everything perfect, you will won't have perfect results...and of course, nobody is perfect. And if you aren't, at least you know that there ARE people out there who know.

    I hope you feel better after whining. It usually helps me. Maybe I need a blog!

  2. I would have to agree that the disease sucks - not that I know from personal experience, but I can't even fathom its difficulty! Though I can say that the PMS thing totally sucks so adding diabetic junk to it... BLEH!!!

    People, particularly docs, who claim that we CAN always prevent things based on diet, exercise, etc. just flat out bug me. Sometimes we can be doing EVERYTHING right, and still gain weight, have higher cholesterol, be grumpy, and hurt. Sometimes, it is just plain out of our control people!

    Deeper meaning - Old Testament - HAHAHAHA! Seriously! I gave up and moved on to next year's curriculum. The four gospels make a little more sense to me.

  3. I would agree that although we can control some factors re: our health, there is a lot that we cannot control. I have PCOS--related to insulin resistance--and am a nice slim weight but am pre-diabetic. I am sure that someday, some health care provider will blame me for my diabetes and heart disease. Screw Dr. oz and those other doctors. You can only do so much...