Ok, so I put up a Facebook status proclaiming that it has taken me a while, but I FINALLY feel like the pump is better than the shots.
Things had been going well, and I could see that it was helping, even to the point where I could finally say, "Yes, this is more convenient." (I still hate the constant site changes and the wardrobe challenges, but the good now does outweigh the bad).
I should not have done that.
I spent most of the next day battling super high blood sugars. And for why? I have no idea. I'm blaming PMS and the Diabetes Gods laughing at me.
I started rising after my morning workout (not that unusual) but I never really fully came down. It was kind of bizarre. I am going to call my CDE and get a PMS setting on my basals.
That night, I also had a conversation with someone. I'm sure it's a conversation many of you have had.
"So, I used to work for a guy with diabetes. They had cut off his legs and he had all kinds of problems. It wasn't pretty."
"Yep, that can happen."
(Beat. I wait for it. Oh yes, here it is.)
"Of course, HE didn't take care of it. Not like you."
I thought of my 270 at lunch that I had desperately tried to bring down, and the fact that I basically ate lettuce, but it still took hours to get down to 200. (Oh, and 200 is nowhere near the goal). I thought of what that was probably doing to me. I thought of how I worked my butt off to still see crappy numbers. I didn't say much.
I get tired of defending diabetics I don't know. After all, maybe this guy did eat Snickers bars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and never took insulin. I have no idea. However, I do know that even if he did eat like that, it doesn't mean he deserved to lose his leg. I get tired of trying to convince people to blame the disease, because there is an element of self care that has to take place. Still, it's exhausting.
"So, what are the long term complications of diabetes?"
"Well, there are heart issues, stroke, kidney failure, blindness, circulation problems that lead to the amputations you speak of, nerve damage, things like that."
"Wow, that list sucks."
"Yes, yes it does."
"But how is YOUR treatment going?"
Again, I thought of the day I was having.
"You know, pretty good, I guess. I don't have any complications. I take it a day at a time."
And some days suck. Lots of them do.
Others, aren't so bad. If he had asked me the week before, I'd be more optimistic, and think of the string of "no hitters" I'd been having. Still, if my life is cut shorter because of my diabetes, and people start talking at my funeral about how I should have eaten fewer carbs, the Diabetes Gods and I will team up and start haunting you. Just remember that.