Warning. I whine a lot.

I think I might have had like one beta cell doing its thing, and now its dead.

I have no basis to think this, except that the rebound highs from lows are spiking over 300, when they NEVER got anywhere near that high before.  And I mean they got that high after I corrected.  Like last night, I went low after dinner - not a terrible one, but still no fun - and I knew I ate too much.  I corrected when my blood sugar hit 135, to counteract the high I knew was likely.  It went up to the 380s.  THREE EIGHTIES.  Fortunately, it responded well to the second correction bolus, and I wasn't up all night battling highs, like I often am.  I guess I should have corrected at 200 when the CGM buzzed, but I figured I had some insulin on board....whoops. But you know, it's hard to know.  I had to ask myself if I wanted to correct or wait, because what if I corrected then, only to go low again?  Even with a cgm, knowing what to do is rough.

Anyone else have a body that says "I don't care if you injected insulin, it's nighttime and I am doing nothing about it?"

I am battling the swing of highs and lows like I've never had to before. For someone who's seen 300 once since diagnosis, (except when I get served real Dr. Pepper instead of diet) seeing it pop up so much this week is very disheartening. Swinging does not feel good, in case you were wondering.  And if I'm not swinging, then I am not coming down post meal like I should.  I get up to about 160-180 after I eat, and just stay there.

I have switched out every bottle of insulin for new ones.  I have adjusted my Levemir to a slightly higher dose. Which for some bizarre reason, that made me feel like a failure, like if I need more basal insulin I am doing something wrong - stupid liver. I still have the dawn phenom and what I like to call "the dusk phenomenon" going on to a degree that is not good.  (I go high in the morning and at night - I don't know what that's about, but I hate it.)  I am pounding the water.  I don't really like water, but I am drinking lots of it trying to keep hydrated, knowing that's crucial for control.

I haven't exercised much this week, my exercise buddy is out of town, and doing it myself is no fun at all.  So that's different, but still.  I have NEVER see sugars this high, and that includes diagnosis.

My next appointment with my endo isn't until June, when I will get prescribed a pump.  I am thinking I should call him and try to get in earlier, but seriously, I know that if I do, I'll show up with 2 weeks worth of perfect sugars because diabetes KNOWS when I call the doctor, and it behaves accordingly. And what's he going to do, really?  Tell me to try more insulin.  Be nice.  Charge me money.

So I am at a loss at the whys and what to dos.  You'd think after 4 years I would know, but I have learned that you  NEVER know, even if it's been 40 years.

I swear a couple of beta cells are dead now, when they weren't before.  I feel like holding a funeral for them.